Stacy Abrams Romance Novels Hitting The Shelves

OPINION | This article contains political commentary which reflects the author's opinion.

Stacy Abrams, who you may simply know as the woman who refuses to concede she lost a race in 2018, wrote eight romance novels decades ago. Later this year she’s releasing a political thriller, and three years ago wrote a memoire. Because her life is titillating. So apparently she’s had a longstanding interest in writing. Now that she’s in the public eye, three of her previously written romance novels will be re-released. They’re still the same, just, you know, special now.

I don’t mean to sound like a Petty Betty…but…I’d rather read Jeffrey Dahmer’s cookbook than any of Stacy Abram’s romance novels. I’d rather have Snoop Dog take a drug test for me. I’d rather have Alyssa Milano lead group therapy. I wouldn’t burn her book for warmth in an abandoned mountain cabin in winter.

If I had enemies to torture, I’d toss them in a cell with the book “White fragility” and one of Stacy Abram’s romance novels. I haven’t read her books, and she may be an incredible writer (though I doubt it), but I know that hearing her speak kills brain cells. I can only imagine the damage her writing could inflict.

Stacy Abrams once said the blue wave was made up of those people who are documented and undocumented. Maybe she forgot that undocumented people aren’t supposed to vote. Totally fine. Stacy has claimed that people in Georgia didn’t have the ability to get out and vote (for her), while claiming that same race saw increased voter participation. Oh? How does that work exactly? Stacy made statements about the Georgia voting laws that were false and that cost the state a multi-mullion dollar MLB opportunity. Whoopsie.

Anyways, I’m sure her book is chock full of romance, desire, and quality advice. Like if you jump up and down after having sex you can’t get pregnant. If a woman sets your clothes on fire it means she loves you. Pouting is a productive form of communication.

I’m not saying she doesn’t know anything about romance, but I know that she’s single right now and has been for her a while. For as long as I’ve known her name. I just don’t take marriage advice from my single friends, and I don’t take parenting advice from people with no kids. But I’m sure her romance novels will be gripping if you want to give them a whirl.

One of her paperbacks, from 2001, is currently listed on Amazon for $49. It’s the one where she wrote an ex-boyfriend in as a character and put him in prison “where he languishes to this day.” It sounds like a romantic winner!

Babylon Bee wrote a satirical piece in which Stacy Abrams accepts a Pulitzer Prize for her yet to be released work. At this point the Bee has been more accurate at predicting the future with blind, outlandish claims than the weather channel has been, so I could see this coming to fruition. After Youtube gave YouTube a YouTube free speech award, anything is possible these days. Have a used to term “circle jerk” lately…