OPINION | This article contains political commentary which reflects the author's opinion.
I thought I was fed up with progressives in 2020, but I underestimated the potential insanity of 2021. Batshittery has reached epic proportions and I am OVER IT. Everything they hate is the new thing I love, and I’m embracing new things with a vengeance. Cultural appropriation is bad? Please stand by for pictures of my Cinco De Mayo party–I’ll be the one in the mustache and sombrero. Ole! You’ll love my Thanksgiving celebration where every family member will dress as a Native American. Who doesn’t look good in a headdress?
Think I’m joking? We already throw a Cinco De Mayo party, mustaches included, so now I’m just going to take it a bit further. I’m currently planning a Dr. Seuss party with one of my friends. We’re encouraging people to dress like the most racist characters they can find in the books, but since no one can find any (duh, because there aren’t any!) most people are planning to be the ones with orange skin and yellow hair. Imagine that.
I don’t have a favorite football team (I know, how can I even call myself a Southern woman?) but it doesn’t matter because I’m wearing Redskins paraphernalia to every game party I’m invited to, it doesn’t even matter what sport it’s for. Baseball game? Go Redskins! Freaking MMA fight? GO REDSKINS!
Do I sound unhinged yet? You have no idea.
My husband is totally on board for a White Trash Bash Fourth of July party. I’ve been brainstorming ideas and this has the potential to be the best one yet. I’ve already picked out my costume – jean shorts, stringy blonde wing, confederate flag shirt, fake pregnancy bump that I hold while I chug a beer. Oh yes, I will. And I don’t even like beer.
Don’t worry, I’m an equal opportunist. We’ll also be celebrating Juneteenth to commemorate Black freedom. I’m going to hang pictures of Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben around the house, as well as other Black icons and trailblazers the left has erased “for our own good.” I may make those paper chain links to string in front of the doorway so every time someone enters it symbolizes breaking the bonds of slavery.
Ksenya, you wouldn’t.
Oh. I. Would.
I’ve decided that the confused looks I get as a black woman with a white immigrant husband in hand, towing mixed-race children wearing Thin Blue Line gear is not enough. I’m going all in. Liberals and progressives are always proud to show what they stand for. Well so am I! While they’re crying over racist pancakes, I’m organizing pancake eating competitions for the neighborhood. The pancake and syrup packages will be prominently displayed, and I will straight up GLUE Aunt Jemima’s face to the box if I can’t find any more products with her on it.
If the number one song of the year is “Wet A$$ Pu$$y” and kids, ACTUAL kids, are humping the floor and singing it in viral public videos, there’s no way that you will ever convince me that any of these other things are legitimately offensive. If children are resilient enough to dance on stage as young drag queens and get tips from adults, if we’re not worried about their fragile minds when they learn the intricacies of anal sex in elementary sex education, you’re not going to convince me the world can’t handle my offensive Halloween costume. My husband was Indiana Jones and I was Short Round, the tiny Asian boy. Suck it lefties. The left doesn’t have a single leg to stand on (no offense to amputees!).
I’ve spent $100 this month on a few classic paperbacks (from the actual bookstore and not Amazon) that have been banned from schools and libraries over the years. I will continue to make a batch of purchases every month until I have a solid collection of literature for my kids and hopefully their kids. I’ll probably get a few extra copies and give them as gifts to my friends’ kids. Kids of liberal friends are all getting Paw Patrol toys and Dr. Seuss books, regardless of age. I’m sorry that your parents are idiots, enjoy your musical stuffed animal. Maybe I’ll toss in a Harry Potter book for good measure.
I just combined three of my favorite things and I couldn’t be more excited; shopping, party planning, and being great. Yeeessss, 2021 is about to be lit over here. And EVERYONE is going to know where I stand. Sorry, not sorry.
Here are two of my favorite videos on cancel culture. Both are satire, but could (sadly) represent any leftist college student easily these days…Brands that need to be canceled immediately and When cancel culture cancels everything.
Whatever you believe in, embrace it, don’t hide it. You don’t have to turn it into a whole party (I can be a little extra), but do you boo!