Things That Shouldn’t Be Things – Harvard’s Atheist Chaplain

OPINION | This article contains political commentary which reflects the author's opinion.

Lying in bed recovering from the Rona, AGAIN, I like to play a little game called “What should be satire, but isn’t”. Today’s winner is “Harvard’s Chief Chaplain an Atheist“.

I know there are bigger WTF moments going on in the world right now. We’re a military family, so I KNOW. Don’t get me started on Joe Biden, this crayon eating mofo. It’s far too upsetting and I’d likely start making up curse words. I just can’t even. He probably had to cut a press conference short to finish contemplating why purple crayons don’t taste like grape. I had low expectations of his entire administration, I mean really low. I did in fact expect that he would light the world on fire some time during his presidency, I simply underestimated his ability to achieve epic sh*tdom in eight short months. Apparently I don’t dream big enough, lesson learned.

But still, some degree of idiocy was expected. We don’t have time to evacuate New Orleans before the hurricane we knew was coming because we were pushing the “vaccinate yourself for the hurricane” agenda? Kinda saw that stupidity coming. New York officially admitted Cuomo lied about the death count and added 12,000 people to their numbers? Definitely saw that coming! Some sewer-dweller created a new pride flag for lesbians who don’t like women? Of course they did, the logic is sound. Ankle monitors for kids in public schools, giving the vaxed and unvaxed different contact and quarantine standards? Disappointed, but unfortunately not surprised in this crazy world.

I know everything is a little stupid, and nothing quite makes sense right now…but Harvard? No baby, what is you doing??

The University was literally established to educate clergymen to minister to early colonists. Their motto is “Truth for Christ and the Church”. One would think atheism would be a poor fit for this school, but then they’d have to remember that we’re living in 2021 (or 2020, part 2) and accept that nothing makes sense anymore.

The organization of Chaplains elected atheist Greg Epstein as their President to coordinate 40 chaplains in over 20 various ethical, religious, and spiritual traditions. The guy who wrote “Good Without God: What a Billion Nonreligious People Do Believe” is going to…help? everyone…expand their personal relationships with religions (he doesn’t believe in).

Epstein has been described as the “godfather to the [humanist] movement” by the New York Times Magazine. He was named “one of the top faith and moral leaders in the United States” by Faithful Internet, a project of the United Church of Christ and the Stanford Law School Center for Internet and Society. Seems like you’d need some sort of faith to qualify for that title, but nah! Greg Epstein promotes a secular, values-based philosophy that focuses on “people’s relationships with each other instead of with God.” I mean. I’m not a chaplain but that kind of seem like the opposite goal of any chaplains I’ve ever dealt with.

Greg Epstein writes, “Cultivating this attitude is an important part of Humanism–to realize that life without God can be much more than a series of strict tit-for-tat transactions where you pay me and I pay you back. Learning to pay it forward can add a tremendous sense of meaning and dignity to our lives. Simply put, it feels good to give to others, whether we get back or not.”

How does an atheist draw you closer to God? Spoiler alert, he doesn’t. How does someone who views religion as a tit for tat transaction support your religious traditions? Oh. HE DOESN’T. We have an ever-increasing numbers of young people looking for direction in a culture that demands devout affirmation of secular beliefs in order to prove your tolerance and worth. And this is the tour guide. Mr. You Don’t Need God, Just Each Other. Stellar game plan.

Epstein is probably not the guy I’d pick to lead my spiritual journey, but whatever. They voted for this guy, so hopefully they know what they’re doing. I don’t believe that, but I wish them luck all the same! I was gong to make a joke about his name being Epstein, but I think the whole situation is a joke all by itself. Tell your kids to learn a trade and find a good church, college is trash.

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