Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop Gift Guide Is SO NOT Helpful

Still looking for some last minute Christmas gifts? Gwyneth Paltrow’s got you covered.

 

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It’s STOCKING STUFFER TIME! Tomorrow is the last day to get expedited shipping from our world famous @goop gift guide (delivery by 12/24). #themartini bath soak, @olioeosso cheek/lip balm and the @vitruvi essential oil diffuser are some crowd pleasers. Happy holidays everyone!

A post shared by Gwyneth Paltrow (@gwynethpaltrow) on Dec 19, 2018 at 12:53pm PST

I couldn’t help myself. I had to go look, and boy, did I find some– unusual items.

Could she interest you in a $90 geopipe?

What about a marble weight? (WHO BUYS MARBLE WEIGHTS?!)

Inner beauty powder? No?

GOOP GENES. Sounds safe.

How about an overpriced straw with a random piece of rose quartz crystal attached to the bottom?

No? Alright. You could also purchase these handy bangles and wear them out, even though they’re kinda inappropriate.

Do you know someone who could use some self-love spray?

And for that REALLY special someone, you could purchase this $7,000 snake ring.

Wow. Thanks Gwyneth. That was so helpful. //sarc.