Satanists Are Offended That John Boehner Compared Ted Cruz To Lucifer

Former Speaker of the House John Boehner took a break from crying to speak at Stanford University and used his appearance to trash talk Texas Sen. Ted Cruz.

He told the crowd he has “never worked with a more miserable son of a b*tch” in his life and proceed to call Cruz “Lucifer in the flesh.”

Boehner has some sort of ongoing beef with him. A one-sided beef. Cruz doesn’t even know what Boehner’s deal is. In fact, he said he barely knows the guy. But Cruz has always been the annoying guy who tends to stick to his principles, even when it’s unpopular. And that’s super inconvenient for them. (I know it sounds cliché , but I’m still convinced they hate Cruz because he went to D.C. intending to fulfill the promises he made to the people of Texas. Not many politicians go in to the job with that kind of attitude. They want to keep the peace and their well-paying job forevermore. And when one enthusiastic principled individual shows up and actually tries to get crap done and stand up for what’s right, it makes everyone else look bad and ultimately jeopardizes their cash flow.  Don’t be fooled. That’s what this is about.)

Establishment jester Rep. Peter King agreed with Boehner’s assessment and even said that such a comparison “gives Lucifer a bad name.”

Congrats, King. The Satanic Temple agrees with you!

On Thursday, a spokesman for the Satanic Temple came out and made it clear that they want nothing to do with Cruz.  He’s against everything Satanism stands for! He’s a fake Christian! (Wouldn’t that make them like him?)

“Cruz’s failures of reason, compassion, decency, and humanity are products of his Christian pandering, if not an actual Christian faith,” spokesman Lucien Graves said. “It grows tedious when pedophile priests and loathsome politicians are conveniently dismissed as Satanic, even as they spew biblical verse and prostrate themselves before the cross, recruiting the Christian faithful.”

So there you have it. Satanists are offended that establishment Republicans are tainting Lucifer’s reputation by associating him Ted Cruz.

“Satanists will have nothing to do with any of them,” Graves added.

And neither will establishment Republicans. Hey look. They have something in common! Who says Republicans can’t find common ground?