New York City Advises Residents How to Have Safe Pandemic Sex

OPINION | This article contains political commentary which reflects the author's opinion.

The New York City Health Department has issued guidance on how to have sex during the COVID-19 pandemic.  This is the important stuff ladies and gentleman.  I only half kid.  Being cooped up inside your house gets old REALLY FAST.  It’s not a bad way to pass the time.

From Daily Caller:

The New York City Health Department has released a guide on how to have sex during the coronavirus outbreak.

“Have sex with people close to you,” the guide says. “You are your safest sex partner. Masturbation will not spread COVID-19, especially if you wash your hands (and any sex toys) with soap and water for at least 20 seconds before and after sex.”

The document goes into ALL THE DETAILS.

What moron needs to be told not to have group sex during this time?  Group sex is a bad idea at all times, for lots of reasons.  But when we are practicing SOCIAL DISTANCING it seems like a no-brainer.  As far as kissing goes, it’s probably best to following Pretty Woman hooker Vivian’s advice.  No kissing on the mouth!

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People often talk about things the Founding Fathers would be rolling over in their graves about.  This type of graphic sex guidance from the government would surely have them a rollin’.