Slate Writer Wants You To Know That His Wife’s Girlfriend Moved In With Them, And Life Is Good

“Progressives” are constantly trying to push the envelope and challenge the traditional family structure. Sure, marriages don’t always work out, and sometimes even traditional families can be a bit dysfunctional. But, generally speaking, the traditional family structure is the way to go. This is ideal– Dad, Mom, kids, dogs and a goldfish you won at a carnival.

But this super woke writer for Slate discovered another structure that works. He’s so woke and so feminist that he’s cool with his wife’s girlfriend living with them.

Get on his level.

My wife’s girlfriend moved in with us, and our work-life balance has never been better: https://t.co/IudKT27ntj pic.twitter.com/2q0EosWWli

— Slate (@Slate) May 3, 2018

He’s really into it, and not for reasons you might think. For the record, his wife’s girlfriend is NOT romantically involved with him, but it’s OK because he still benefits from the relationship in other ways. There are less dishes to do and less bills to pay. There’s less responsibility all around. Isn’t that what every family man wants? It’s AWESOME!

When people think of polyamorous relationships, they usually jump right to the potential complications: How will you deal with jealousy? How will you schedule your time so that nobody feels shortchanged? What if your partners argue and can’t get along? What if you feel left out when your special someone has a date with a special someone who isn’t you? I once had these worries too, but for nine months I’ve been living with my wife and my wife’s girlfriend (a poly threesome V, rather than a triad, because all three of us are not romantically involved). We’re finding that having more people around means less, not more, complexity—more hands for the chores, more options for socializing and fun, an extra income to help with the bills, and more time for any one of us to spend going our own way.

It’s also great because he doesn’t have to talk to his wife in the morning or make her breakfast. That was SO ANNOYING.

A typical day at our house begins at 6 a.m., when I grab my laptop from my bedside table and begin my work for Slate without getting dressed, or even out of bed. (I kept up my East Coast, 9–5 schedule after I moved to California, but I won’t claim to have done so with much grace.) When it was just the two of us, my wife’s breakfast and morning routine often got in the way of my early-morning productivity. I’d feel obliged to keep her company at breakfast, chat about our plans for the day, and help her find her missing shoe (under the blanket, dear, on the floor by the couch). Nowadays Cassie and her girlfriend, Mandy, get up at about 7. Mandy makes breakfast. She and Cassie feed and walk our dogs, plan their days, and commute together to their respective workplaces. I get a plate of bacon and eggs brought into the bedroom as I work.

As you can see, this is totally #TheDream (except not).

This dude is the ultimate beta male. I want to grab him by the shoulders and shake him. Wake up and GROW A FREAKING PAIR.

And the benefits spill over into socializing. My extroverted wife and I had a long-standing tendency to clash on how often we’d go out. With Mandy around, there’s an extra person to go do something with her if I’m not in the mood—and we also do things together as a family, comfortably watching TV, playing video games, or going out for a picnic in the park. And, would you believe, it’s actually pretty nice to have a bed to stretch out on by myself three nights a week? One of the few problems we have encountered is that my wife might like to sleep alone once in a while herself.

He’s the ultimate weenie, but of course liberals probably think this is awesome, because he’s cool with his wife to having a girlfriend. It takes a REAL man who’s truly comfortable in his own skin to be able to do that! (This is probably how they justify it.)

But no. It’s wack. This dude is a soyboy on soy steroids.

This is soooo pathetic in sooo many ways…#2muchinternet

— Jofer Zamamé (@Shadow_Kimihiro) May 4, 2018

So you’ve been castrated by two women instead of just one? Congratulations. #BetaMaleSoyBoy #ManCardRevoked

— Christy Waters (@ThatChristyChic) May 5, 2018

Imagine being this pathetic

— Hand Sanitizer (@SpicyMemes_iF) May 4, 2018

These are the grossest people alive

— will fite u (@yoloisisbathsal) May 3, 2018

Holy cow, this is Slate. Why don’t you just get “Loser” tattoos on your foreheads? Oh, wait, it’s not necessary.

— K Vogel (@JackrabbitInfo) May 5, 2018

The “male”

— Rebecca Porter (@akvawe66) May 5, 2018

This HAS to be fake news. I refuse to believe this is real. No one could possibly be this sad and pathetic. Slate is some kind of comedy site like The Onion, right?

— 🇺🇸 Will Bridges 🇺🇸 (@_Will_Bridges_) May 4, 2018

Sadly, no. This guy really wants us to believe this his life is amazing and that we should all maybe, possibly be a bit more open to this sort of living arrangement.

The big obstacles in most relationships are in the little details—finances, housework, child and/or pet care, and how to spend free time. Before I lived with my wife’s girlfriend, I might have said that having an extra person would only make the conflicts and disagreements of daily life that much harder to work out. Instead, for our family, we’ve found the opposite is true. Whether we need an extra set of hands, an extra listening ear, another chum to hang out with, or an extra couple of bucks, our family has found that three can be easier, not harder, than two.

That’s the nicest way I can put it.