So, Mock made me watch the healthcare speech. She’s busy watching “So You Think You Can Dance” and “Glee” tonight, so I was tasked with sitting through it and refraining from poking my eyes out with forks. (My eyes are still intact – thanks for asking.)
First off, let me just get the basics out of the way:
- It was way too long. I could’ve shortened it by about 45 minutes had I been given editing rights.
- Nancy Pelosi’s nostrils looked markedly huge this evening. That disturbed me. And she still clapped like a cymbal-clad monkey on some sort of upper. My instinct to punch her in the face rose as the hour progressed, but that’s neither here nor there.
- Michelle Obama’s Pepto-Bismol-BOW-inspired outfit was heinous. Seriously – what in the hell is up with the bows lately? Can we get a stylist to please intervene? I can forgive an obnoxious, ill-placed bow once, but come on…
- Joe Biden looked as if he needed some No-Doze. I was waiting for him to nod off, but he surprisingly never did. It was very Weekend at Bernie’s.
Now on to the speech:
First of all, Bo lost me a bit with his first appeal at being completely narcissistic when he said something along the lines of “I can stand here and confidently say that I’ve turned the economy around.” Um, hello delusional. Do you even live in this country?
That sort of started me off on the wrong foot as a listener, as boldfaced lies usually irritate me that early in a speech. But I continued to listen (because Mock forced me to, as you recall). The beginning of the preach-fest was your basic Obama blah-blah rhetorical crap, talking about how there have been “scare tactics” used and a “blizzard of charges” brought against his plan. Then, predictably, he treated everyone in the room like five-year olds when he said, “The time for bickering is over.”
So I figured with that whole condescending demand, he’d get into more detail. Well, not quite. But here’s what he proposed tonight (again) just so we’re all on the same page:
1. People who have insurance will keep it (we’ve heard that before). Our insurance will be BETTER because of his plan, insurance companies won’t be able to place caps on coverage or cut our insurance when we get sick. The plan will also limit out-of-pocket expenses. Again, yawn.
2. People without insurance will get “quality, affordable choices” and be able to “shop at competitive prices.”
3. If you still can’t afford those “affordable choices,” then you’ll get a tax credit based on your need.
4. Individuals will be required to carry health insurance – just like car insurance. If you don’t, you’ll be penalized. However, 95% of all small businesses are exempt from these requirements. (Um, OK.)
5. He is still in favor of the public option (of course, this was buried somewhere in the middle of the speech, but it was there, nonetheless).
Then, he said something really, very important (that got a HUGE groan from the right):
“There remain some significant details to be ironed out….”
Still, Bo? Really? Are you freakin’ kidding me?
He progressed into what he referred to as the controversies and falsehoods of the plan, which included the following:
- Bureaucrats killing off senior citizens. Bo says this is false…again.
- The plan will insure illegal immigrants. Bo also says this is false….again. And several Republicans called B.S. on that (which in turn invoked an I-think-I-smelled-something-rotten Pelosi face response that was comical and therefore, my favorite part of the evening).
- No federal dollars will fund abortions. Um, if you say so, Bo.
- There will be no government takeover. (But he does still favor a public option. See above.)
What I was waiting for – and what pretty much every Republican in the room was waiting for as well – was some talk about malpractice insurance reform. He spoke of that for approximately 5 seconds, at which time he got a standing ovation from the right in the room. However, he didn’t specify HOW he’d handle that beyond asking his Health and Human Services Secretary to “work on it.”
Wow. I feel better NOW. Thanks.
Of course, he also got a jab in about Bush and how he basically caused the deficit, made himself the martyr, then went on to say that this plan wouldn’t add a DIME MORE to the deficit, as he would use “savings within the current healthcare system” to pay the $900 BILLION bill (over 10 years) for all of this. He said that Medicare won’t be used to pay for it at all, but revenues from drug and insurance companies will. He’ll appoint an independent commission to look into wasteful spending, find it, and oila! It’ll all be paid for.
Insert puppies and sunshine and butterfly kisses here.
He encouraged all the people in the room to “come to me with a proposal, and I’ll listen…my door is always open.” But we all know that’s a bunch of absolute horse crap.
Then, he threatened the room when he said, “if you misrepresent what’s in this plan, we’ll call you out.”
Scare tactics were the blow before the final blow, as he used the crisis-technique to say that if we don’t pass this plan, the deficit will grow, families will go bankrupt, and PEOPLE WILL DIE….
Aaaaand, last but certainly not least, he did EXACTLY what I knew he would do – he ended with the fireworks show – the Ted Kennedy plea. The Holy Grail of left-wing tactics. After all, folks…Never let a dead Senator go to waste.
“Ted Kennedy believed that this was the year for healthcare reform.” (Cue Nancy Pelosi looking as if there were tears in her eyes. I successfully held back the urge to vomit.)
“I still believe….I still believe….” ended the preach-fest, taking me back to my days as a pianist in a Southern Methodist church. And then the hallelujahs and amens finally ended.
I still don’t know the hows. I still don’t see how he’s going to reform the malpractice problem in this country. I still don’t see how he’s going to come up with $900 billion merely in “waste.”
Yep. One hour of my life. Gone. And, I’ll never get it back. Thanks, Mock. 🙂