Rush Limbaugh Calls Elizabeth Warren’s DNA Test ‘Manna From Heaven’

As our regular readers know, I’m a Rush Baby. His voice has always been in the background of my life, and I’m so grateful for it. He’s my political sensei through and through, so I was really looking forward to hear his take on the Elizabeth Warren’s flop of a DNA test.

“This is great, folks. I’m not believing this!” Rush said Monday. “You talk about manna from heaven? We got it today.”

Right? That’s what I was thinking. I still can’t figure out what she’s spiking the football for. She proved our point. She confirmed that she is FOREVER Fauxcahontas! She’s between between 1/64th and 1/1,024th Native American, and it gets worse from there, because that DNA also included Mexican, Colombian, and Peruvian blood.

I am more Indian than Elizabeth Warren– without question.

“We’re three weeks out from the midterm elections? And what happens? Fauxcahontas inserts herself into the campaign with proof and evidence that she is one 1/1024th Indian,” Rush said. “Elizabeth Warren is whiter than your average white person! Your average white person has more Injun blood than she does! You know there was a lot of nooky going on back in those Old West days, folks, and she’s been out there trying to make this case that she was part minority, helped her get the gig at Harvard and so forth.”

“Elizabeth Warren is whiter than your average white person!” It’s funny because it’s TRUE!

“But only a Democrat, folks, would think their report from a scientist saying that she might be one 1/1024th Indian would make their claim of minority status valid,” he continued. “One 1/1024th Indian. Elizabeth Warren possibly. That would be 0.09%. That’s not even 1/10th of 1%, folks. That’s how little Indian heritage Fauxcahontas has. Now, scientists say that the average European American is 0.18% Native American, 0.18%. She is 0.09! She is less Native American than the average European American is.”

That is precisely why I cannot figure out why Warren is treating this as a victory. It’s a fail. It’s the world’s greatest self-own.

These are New York Times numbers, by the way. Elizabeth Warren less Native American than the average European American. And let’s see. What else we have here? Mollie Hemingway. Favorite part of Warren possibly being one 1/1024th Native American is that her 2020 campaign is rolling it out as if it’s not a complete self-own. How do they think this was a good idea? I’ll tell you how they think it’s a good idea. They think they’re nailing Trump with it. They think they’re embarrassing Trump.

Remember Trump offered to donate a million dollars to Fauxcahontas’ favorite charity if she could prove that she were Native American. So she’s come out today, and accordingly her doctor and scientists and so forth has established that she is Native American, and now she’s asking Trump to pay off to the Indigenous People Circumcision for America Group, whatever it is. I forget. Indigenous Peoples Circumcision Information Resource Center, some such thing.

And if Trump gives in… Trump’s denying that he made the pledge, even though he did. (laughing) He’s flat-out denying it like Bill Clinton. (impression) I tell you, I never had sex with that woman, not a single time ever.” That’s what Trump is doing. “You need to go and look at what I said. I did not say that.” At most, Trump owes 1/1024th of one million. I ran the number. He owes maybe at most a thousand dollars.

If he’s gonna pay a percentage of the million dollars that equals her percentage of Native American, that means he would owe just a little over a thousand dollars, if he wants to pay.

I still think Trump should take a DNA test. Wouldn’t it be SO HILARIOUS if he were more Indian that Lizzy?