Indian Village Sees Monkeys and Dogs Engaged in Warfare

OPINION | This article contains political commentary which reflects the author's opinion.

I know, I know. The title sounds sensationalist. It sounds melodramatic at best, and at worst like the ravings of a lunatic.

At least, that’s what we would’ve said any other decade of society’s existence.

But monkeys in Maharashtra, India have legitimately, genuinely, honestly thrown 250 dogs to their deaths in a bloody interspecies vendetta.

As best we can tell, this targeted rampage began after a pack of dogs killed a baby monkey. In a reverse John Wick scenario, the macaques have been dragging small dogs up to tall buildings and trees and hurling them to their deaths. And while I don’t mean to suggest that that’s okay or the monkeys shouldn’t be upset, wiping out the entire population of two villages’ dogs seems like a bit of overkill. Literally overkill.

And lest you fall into the trap of thinking the monkeys’ behavior is justified, they’ve started going after human children now that they’ve run out of dogs.

Monkeys have killed almost all the pups in the village and now, villagers say that there are hardly any pups left in their village. But monkeys have not stopped. Troops have started targeting small kids. School-going kids are being attacked by the monkeys and this has created panic among the villagers.

So basically, the macaques went apesh*t (I’m so sorry I had to) only to find that they have a taste for violence. Their bloodlust may never end. It is on this basis that I say to you now, in all sincerity, it’s time for another extinction.

I KNOW, I KNOW, it doesn’t sound great, but listen, it didn’t stop with the dogs, it won’t stop with the kids. We all saw Planet of the Apes. We know what we have to do. For the puppies.

Death to those bloodthirsty simian motherf*ckers.

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