How Beer Affects Male Virility

OPINION | This article contains political commentary which reflects the author's opinion.

I’ve been picking on people a lot. And not that there aren’t PLENTY of people to pick on and a myriad of reasons to harp on them, but I’m going to take a break from calling out jackasses and write about something else.

A few week ago I wrote about someone who quit drinking coffee (don’t hate me) and then added it back into his diet on a schedule that he found to boost productivity. Well recently I read an article from Evie Magazine on beer consumption and its detrimental effect on men’s health.

I’m not a beer drinker or a coffee drinker, I don’t know the anguish I’m unleashing with these articles. But when I find out something interesting, I have to spread it far and wide. You’re welcome.

“Before the German Beer Purity Law was established in 1516, dictating that beer only be made with water, hops, and barley, beer was made with a variety of complex herbal and medicinal ingredients called gruit and was even considered a health drink. Once puritan Protestant leaders found that the ingredient hops was a known libido reducer, though, there began a cultural push to enforce that beer only be made with these three ingredients…

In 1951, we discovered the estrogenic potential of plants when Australian sheep, grazing on a species of estrogenic clover, became infertile, ravaging the wool industry. Once we understood the hormone-disrupting power of plants, many other mysterious occurrences became more clear. Then, a theory was suggested that hops may also have estrogenic properties due to the fact that women who handled hops for a day when harvesting crops for beer manufacturing would immediately start their periods.”

I won’t bore you with the rest, let’s paraphrase. Basically hops contain higher levels of phytoestrogens than even soy, they simply operate differently. Once consumed, it comes into contact with an intestinal microbe that causes it to increase. The urine of men who’ve consumed beer show an estrogenic effect that lasts for days. Obviously this can eventually even out. Unless you drink beer often.

Men who live in this estrogen dominant state will retain water and gain weight (hello, beer belly). Sleep is affected, which also affects hormone production, and energy levels are low. More body fat means more estrogen, and more estrogen means more body fat. Now you’re chubby, tired, and your sperm are lazing in the kiddie pool instead of competing in the Olympics.

A lot of people these days brew their own beer, so you can have the option to make or buy beverages with ingredients you approve of and in varying levels. You could also just drink Vodka like the rest of us. It seems to be preserving my in-laws just fine.

Estrogen toxicity is repairable. The best way to increase testosterone levels in the body is to lift weights. It also gives us ladies a little eye candy, so get in the gym and get rid of your tits. You can thank me later.

If you’re like my husband and avoid all forms of soy because you value your testicles above all things, you’ll be happy to know that fermented soy, like soy sauce and natto, have a very different effect on the body. Under 14 servings a day (I don’t know what counts as 14 servings of soy sauce, use it, don’t drink it) had no notable negative side effects on men.

Full disclosure, a few years ago I watched a Dr. Oz episode where he said a study showed men who drank 4-7 alcoholic beverages a week had higher sperm count, so who knows. The science isn’t really settled on anything these days. Insert smirk here.

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