Father’s Day Is About The Men In Our Lives

OPINION | This article contains political commentary which reflects the author's opinion.

Okay, I waited until their day was over to complain so I’ve been holding this in.

Mothers are not fathers! I know this is controversial in this day and age, what with gender being fluid enough to change hourly, and women being the future, despite gender being a social construct, and narcissistic people giving themselves props for simply breathing. But it’s true. You cannot clap yourself on the back for being a mother and a father because you don’t need no man; you’re simply not a father.

The definition of a father is: a male parent, a male who has begotten a child. And that’s from Merriam Webster. Of all of the definitions that have been changed in the last few years, and there are quite a few, this one has yet to be touched. So suck it, social justice warriors.

Now, you may not have a good father. Your child may not have a good father, or that person may simply be a sperm donor. But unless you’re here through some sort of sci-fi lab project, you’ve got a father somewhere.

I don’t really see men claiming to be mothers on Mother’s Day, but Father’s Day is an explosion of “Congrats to all the moms out there for being a mother and a father!” And I’m sorry but it’s weird.

Most people who don’t have a father in their lives have a father figure of some sort. Maybe thank that brother or neighbor who plays catch with your kids for being a fatherly role model. Teach your kids to say thanks to the neighborhood dads who look out for them when their own father can’t or won’t.

When my husband is deployed we have friends who come over to help with busted pipes and vet appointments, but they also ask if they can take my kids fishing or camping with theirs, and my husband returns the favor when he gets home. We’re grateful for these dudes, and we thank them. We also thank grandpa for raising kickass kids, and my brother in law for being a role model and confidant to his niece and nephew.

If we don’t acknowledge these men in our lives we do a disservice to them and also ourselves. Father’s Day was a great time recognize these role models. People in 40 different countries around the world celebrate it. Some of us missed the boat.

I’ll use this time to shout out my father in law who always manages to compliment me – You’ve gained weight, it looks good on you! You’ve lost weight, you look great! You cooked so much, it’s amazing! You picked a great restaurant, you’re a brilliant girl! – I swear sometimes I invite him up just for an ego boost. And the hugs!! Sorry to my husband and his brother, but I’m pretty sure dad likes me best. (Not sorry.)

And shout out to my husband who’s spent more Father’s Days in foreign countries than home, and still manages in kick booty in the dad game. He certainly has more patience than I do! He’s like the Mother Theresa of dads. You know, if Mother Theresa had nads, drank scotch, and smoked cigars.

I hope your dad-like people are as cool as mine. And I hope you gave them all the love on Father’s Day, and any other time you see an opportunity to do so. Cheers to all of the manly men! Life would be terrible without you.

Here are some Father’s Day inspired videos, for your entertainment – A song, a comedy skitanother song, and a little history lesson.