PSA: Drag Shows Are Not For Kids

OPINION | This article contains political commentary which reflects the author's opinion.

My Instagram feed alerted me to the fact that I missed a raucous drag show in my little town. A coworker forwarded one of the posts to me and said, “Oh, too bad we missed this! We should go next time, it looked like fun!”
I have learned not to respond with the first thing that comes to mind, because I tend to offend. Like, “WHY IN THE ACTUAL HELL WOULD I WANT TO SEE SOME SKANKY A…” But I also don’t want to stifle my own beliefs for the sake of having a pleasant work environment. In the end I responded with, “Hey, you know how Lauren* (not her real name) has a weird things about midget’ hands? Well that’s how I feel about men in thongs and wigs. It’s a “no” for me, dog.”
After seeing more and more posts from the neighborhood drag show, I’ve decided my response wasn’t enough. I did not lie, I’m not a fan of men in thongs. Moreover, whether those men are greased up strippers gyrating for a bachelorette party, or men with painted on cleavage lip-syncing to Beyoncé and humping chairs (as Instagram showed me they did do), men in thongs do not interest me. I’d rather read a book. I’d rather walk my dog. I’d rather watch paint dry. I’ll just pass.
But once the activity turns into a “neighborhood” event open to families, my stance is – Absolutely not.
Now, I’ve never been to a drag show, but I get the drift. I’ve watched and enjoyed the movie “Birdcage”, I know what’s up. If you thought this was a fun place to get a few drinks and have a wild time with your girlfriends, I get it, do you. If you thought it would nice to take your three young kids to the ice cream parlor, the park, and then stop in a the local drag show, you might be a supreme idiot.
If you just didn’t think about it, I mean, it’s dumb but it can be forgivable. If you thought your kids would enjoy some over the top sensual dancing, you’re too stupid to operate heavy machinery and should have your driver’s license taken away. The animals should feed you at the zoo. Or as Daisy would say, “there are cows in pasture smarter than you”.
I’m not joking. If you’ve taken your kids to a drag show, please slap yourself.
Would you take them to a strip club? You know, one of those tame ones that don’t get fully naked. Totally fine right? It’s art, or fun, or something, right?
No. Only psychopaths and child molesters think this way. And liberal idiots with chickpeas for brains. Kids don’t need more homosexuality or heterosexuality. They don’t need to be sexualized at all.
Kids should be dancing to annoying baby shark songs until they’re 11. They should be gushing about, or disgusted by, their first kiss in middle school at the earliest, or high school preferably, not reading Teen Vogue articles about anal sex.
I don’t want to sound like the minister from Footloose, but I do indeed “have a lot of difficulty endorsing an enterprise that is a fraught with peril as I believe this one to be.”
Music is trash, but it really has been for a while now and I didn’t really notice until I had kids who were old enough to choose a radio station. Now I’m like, stop mumbling through lyrics about sex you’ve never had, turn off that devil music and listen to the classics! Dances went from entire sections of NSYNC, Missy Elliot, and Backstreet Boys music videos to some simple floor twerking combo that every toddler knows. What the heck is going on?!
And I realize I sound like a prude. I’m okay with that. In reality I’m pretty open minded. My husband and I try a lot in our marriage. And if he’s like babe I want to try this new thing I saw, but we’re going to need Saran Wrap, 12 rubber bands, maple syrup, and handcuffs. I’m going to say – Okay boo, it sounds a little weird but I’ll stop at the store. I’m not against grown adults pushing the boundaries, but I am 100% against any part of that being introduced to kids of any age. No, I don’t think your teenaged kids should be at the drag queen floor-humping show either.
I know. I’m a buzzkill. But I genuinely believe that this was pushed as a benign activity that’s frivolous and fun, so we don’t pay any attention to the message it’s sending to our kids. If your kids want to go to a club and take in a drag show when they’re old enough to actually get into a club, then have at it. Have a great time. But to organize or take your kids to a street-side or, God forbid, children’s library show goes contrary to everything that’s good for them.
Childhood is good for them. Adult activities are for consenting adults. Having your kids grow up before they need to doesn’t make you a cool parent, you’re just the person robbing them of their youth.
Then you’ve got leftists promoting young drag boys actually performing in shows and getting tips tossed at them from adults. If they were little girls dancing for grown men everyone would see the problem, but because “love is love” and “be free to be yourself” and other such stupid catchphrases, people want us to celebrate this insanity. Drag shows are sexualized performances, and therefore they are for adults, end of story. Some of the LGBT crowd agrees. Let’s stop being so woke that we’re basically braindead. Thanks.
The same can be said for the Pride Parade at this point. If you want to tell me it’s a family event, then put away the ass-less chaps and don’t walk your lover on a leash. Just saying.
Now, I’m off to the adult store, WITHOUT my kids, to buy ADULT things for my husband’s return to deployment. We also close our bedroom door. Crazy, but true.
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