Ashley Judd Reveals Her ‘Harrowing Ordeal’.

OPINION | This article contains political commentary which reflects the author's opinion.

Listen – I may joke about the fact that I loathe Ashley Judd with the fury of a billion suns all the time, but I don’t wish her Actual Physical Harm.  I would hope that goes without saying, but I’m saying it just in case.  I just find her to be an unbearably self-important lunatic, and I have a lot of fun mocking her amazing elitism and total lack of self-awareness.  If you’ve never read one of my Ashley Judd posts, I highly encourage you to do a search right here on this site for her name, and spend some time learning about why I’ve long thought she’s such a horrible seahag.

To her credit, she’s a humanitarian (as long as someone’s footing the bill, I’m guessing) – and so she likes spending time visiting third world countries to hug on women and children who’ve been victimized by sexual assault and human trafficking and then retell their stories.  She also likes to visit the Congo so that she can frolic with bonobos, which I can’t blame her for a bit, considering that I too enjoy visiting wild animals and frolicking with them at every possible opportunity.

She apparently recently visited DRC, and fractured her leg, resulting in a stay in the ICU in South Africa.

Here’s her post about it:

BEHOLD her interview with Nick Kristof. And just to give you a flavor for it right out of the gate, she immediately begins crying within the first 15 seconds:

 

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A post shared by Nicholas Kristof (@nickkristof)

Here’s part two:

 

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A post shared by Nicholas Kristof (@nickkristof)

Anyway, she’s right that she’s privileged. It’s not just any regular joe schmo who would be extricated from a forest, get carried on a hammock, get transported on a motorbike, then take a bush plane to another village, and then fly to South Africa to a trauma unit to get her leg fixed, and have all her medical expenses covered by the Screen Actors Guild.

By the way, I think I accidentally figured out who she might be married to. Remember when I told you all about that podcast where she admitted she was married? In her interview with Kristof, she uses the term “life partner” instead of husband, but whatever. She already called him her husband. And we knew from that podcast that it was a Harvard faculty member, and we know from this Kristof interview that she mentions her life partner was with her when she shattered her leg, and she also mentions that she and her partner run a research camp on the bonobos in Congo, and she also mentions “Martin” a couple times, so it only took a few google search terms to find that a Martin Surbeck, faculty member at Harvard, also is involved with the bonobo research camp in Congo. He reminds me of Beto O’Rourke, so I’m automatically kinda grossed out.

Anyway, Ashley Judd shattered her tibia and is probably married to a dude named Martin, and really really really wants you to know about and see the stick she chewed on to survive the pain.

You’re welcome.