Sheriff Believes Gangs Are Throwing ‘COVID-19 Parties’ In Vacation Home — Could Be To Blame For the Rise of Florida COVID Cases [Opinion]

OPINION | This article contains political commentary which reflects the author's opinion.

This is just. . . Alright, here we go:

The sheriff of Osceola County in Florida believes gangs are throwing COVID-19 parties in vacation homes so the hundreds of attendees may get themselves infected with the Coronavirus.

Thank you, Florida Man, for compelling me to write this utterly nonsensical sentence.

Sheriff Russ Gibson explains,

“They’re being referred to, from what I’m being told, as COVID-19 parties where they’re actually getting together and they’re trying to mingle to potentially spread the virus amongst each other if they’re asymptomatic or whatever the case might be.”

. . .

“The problem is when you have this and you take it back home to a parent or grandparent, and unknowingly pass that virus on to them, and potentially end their life. It’s just not worth it. And you have to think beyond the moment. And I think sometimes our young folks are just thinking about the moment.”

That’s Sheriff-speak for “Kids these days are f*cking idiots.”

Osceola County is south of Orlando and a fair bit east of Tampa, making it a charming place to rent a vacation home for a little getaway. Which is exactly what’s being done by gangs around central Florida, apparently.

“Well, a lot of times, we’ve been finding out that there are people here that are unsavory people that you wouldn’t want in your neighborhoods. There are some gangs, that are renting these houses, and they’re coming here to Osceola County. And this is something that we have to protect our residents with,” Gibson said.

Again, allow me to translate: “Get these f*cking psycho criminals OUTTA MY COUNTY.”

If that seems like an extreme reaction (which, why would it, but I’m a sucker for a good rhetorical device), consider that there’s already been a murder at one of these ridiculous block parties, and other party-goers have thrown fireworks at cops responding to one of the OVER 600 NOISE COMPLAINTS.

Sheriff Gibson is over it. As an erstwhile Floridian, I’M over it. And I want to see the inevitable Coronavirus cases and possible deaths as a result of these dumb ass parties counted not as COVID-19 deaths, but as utter stupidity-related deaths.

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