Why do I subject myself to these things? Why?
So the Oscars were last night. I like looking at pretty dresses, so I tuned into the red carpet stuff.
Faves? Geena Davis, who at 64 has somehow managed to not age. If it’s due to plastic surgery, I’d like her doctor’s number because DAYUM.
Regina Davis also looked AMAZEBALLS.
There were other really pretty and interesting gowns, but those were the two standouts for me.
And then the awards show started with Janelle Monae singing some stuff and it was really good except then she was all, “I AM A BLACK QUEER WOMAN!” and I thought, “WGAF?” and rolled my eyes and wished that Ricky Gervais was there.
It didn’t really get any better from there. Brad Pitt accepted his award for Best Supporting Actor and had a pre-written scripted thank you that allowed him to say, “I only have 45 seconds up here which is more time than John Bolton got to testify to the Senate” which proved that he should just never ever be allowed to pretend he knows anything ever again.
Michelle and Barack Obama’s Netflix documentary, “American Factory” won Best Documentary and the bald people who accepted the award literally said – OUT LOUD – “Workers of the world unite!” and the audience applauded wildly, because Hollywood is filled with elites too stupid to know that they were literally celebrating communism in that moment, or too stupid to know WHY celebrating communism is Actually A Bad Thing.
There were loads of lines about climate change and feminism and diversity sprinkled throughout the show, because these elitist morons are just too dense to finally realize that America is sick of that sh*t, so they’ll keep doing what they always do, which is to spotlight their elitism more and more every year. They’ll never get it. I was surprised to hear Ainsley Earhardt say on Fox and Friends this morning that Brad Pitt’s speech was really the only moment that was political. There’s no way she actually watched it, because the entire SHOW was political at every possible opportunity.
Joaquin Phoenix blathered on and on about cow insemination and stealing milk and veganism and who knows what else when he won for Best Actor for Joker. And it was in the middle of his acceptance that I just flat gave up and went to bed, only to find out this morning that the foreign film Parasite won for Best Picture.
Anyway, it was a colossal waste of time, but Geena and Regina looked really pretty, and I didn’t hate Billie Eilish’s In Memoriam performance of Yesterday.