Last Night’s Debate Recap, Written Without The Benefit Of Coffee.

Mockarena, Co-Founder

Why must these clown shows run so late on a school night?  Why?

So, in case the wall to wall coverage of the impeachment inquiry hearings made you forget about the 2020 election for a second, there was another Democrat debate last night.  It was supposed to be from 9-11pm ET, but it ran until 11.20pm or so, which made me very very cranky.  So if you hear resentment in my words as I summarize my thoughts on each candidate, that’s why.  That, and the fact that they all suck so hard.

Let’s get right to it.

Missing from the stage physically but not actually missed at all:  Julian Castro.

Missing from the stage physically but not ASTROphysically:  Marianne Williamson.

Participants included Biden, Booker, Mayor Pete, Gabbard, Harris, Klobuchar, Sanders, Steyer, Warren, and Yang.

Biden:  A complete disaster. Right from his opening, he was slurring, stepping over his own words, not making any sense, and not having any sort of clue about where he was.  And it only got worse from there, namely because of these two moments:


Also, I thought it was super rude that not a single person on stage NOR any of the moderators had the decency to congratulate Biden on his new grandson.


Booker:  Cory was his usual cheery, smiley, happy-to-be-there self, and I gotta say, I find him almost endearing, but mostly only because he’ll never be the nominee.  There was a moment he went after Biden for saying he didn’t wanna legalize marijuana, and he drew a laugh from the crowd for suggesting that Biden was high.  But then he said that pot is already legal for PRIVILEGED PEOPLE, and then I rolled my eyes and tuned him out.

Mayor Pete: I wanted more attacks on Pete by the others, but they mostly handled him with kid gloves (with the exception of Tulsi, who literally has no f*cks to give at this point). There is not a single word that comes out of his mouth that doesn’t sound like he practiced it in front of a mirror 72 times.  It’s Obama-esque, only without the needed swagger.  I still find him incredibly weak, despite the fact that he knows how to string together words.  And I was stunned – STUNNED I TELL YOU – to discover last night that he’s gay.  Thank goodness he mentioned it.

Gabbard:  Damn, girl.  The Lady in White went after Kamala again last night, and it was SO ON.

The problem with Kamala bitching about Tulsi appearing on Fox News is that she wants to say in the next breath that we need a president who brings people together. Um…does she mean people EXCEPT the ones who watch Fox?

Tulsi also went after Mayor Pete, but he fought back in a way that I thought was effective:

I give Tulsi props for being the only person to really go after him, but it was sort of yikes.

Harris:  I don’t know how she does it, but she literally becomes more unlikable every time she opens her mouth.  Like, it’s actually impressive. That pointy glare, that uproarious laugh, that nasally tone – it’s all obnoxious and becoming more intolerable.  She also answered questions that weren’t asked, and seemed unable to really focus.  I don’t see her in this race much longer.

Klobuchar:  OMG THE SHAKING, you guys.  It was out of control.  And I can’t tell if she’s just got the shakes because of rage, like a trembling chihuahua who wants to bite your ankles, or if it’s nerves (which would be pretty bad considering being a president is significantly more challenging than being on a debate stage), or if she has an Actual Medical Condition.  Regardless, it was enormously distracting and weird.  But she had this one line that I actually loved:

Sanders:  He’s old, he’s angry, he’s finger-waggy, and he WROTE THE DAMN BILL AND WANTS YOU TO KNOW ABOUT IT.  I have never understood his appeal, I continue to not understand it, and I know a few shower doors that could take him.  Get this dude off the stage already.  He will never be president.

Steyer:  He’s the term limit guy, which is a weird flex but OK.  He’s also the guy who will make climate change a national emergency using the powers of the presidency on DAY ONE and OMG YOU GUYS WE ARE ALL GONNA DIE.  I have no idea how he bought his way onto that stage, because I can’t fathom that there are Actual People who support him over all the others.

Warren: She is leaning on her wealth tax, her admonition to successful people that they essentially didn’t build their wealth on their own, and the only thing I can really come up with to say about her is that she didn’t make any huge blunders last night.  She’s still a contender, obviously, and probably will be for some time.  And no one has called her out on being a fake Indian yet.

Yang: Yang is now fundraising off the fact that he only spoke under 7 minutes total last night.  The Yang Gang is pissed.  And there was this moment:

The chances of Andrew Yang saying anything of the sort to Putin is absurd, and shows his total lack of understanding that Trump has actually been tougher on Russia than his predecessor. Is Yang gonna challenge Putin to a skateboarding contest next?  Give me a break.  Sounding tough might make for a cute soundbyte, but there is a zero percent chance that Yang is going to make significant headway in the primaries.

Incidentally, I’m not sure why a lot of these people are even still trying, but I guess they’re still running for VP and potential book deals.

Castro had this to say, by the way, proving even more why he’s a complete joke:

Like I said, clown show.


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