Testing The DNA On al-Baghdadi’s Skivvies Helped Confirm Identity

Karen Ashley

Not quite the souvenir you’d hope for but I guess stowing it away in a pickle jar surrounded by hydrogen peroxide may do the trick. How much you wanna bet we’ll see it in our museums in the near future?

… is it weird that I kind of hope we do?

Anyways.

“Before the U.S. military positively identified the headless body of the world’s most wanted terrorist killed in a daring raid, a Kurdish spy slipped into Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi’s compound and stole his underwear to confirm the long-sought ISIS leader’s identity through DNA, a Kurdish official said.”

What I want to know is how someone was able to swiftly grab his skivvies… was he dressed as Adam Schiff? Or maybe Schiff was able to confirm it to be al-Baghdadi’s because he’s had his nose so far up his betraying behind.

I’m kidding. Kind of.

“All intelligence and access to Al Baghdadi as well as the identification of his place, were the result of our own work,” Can wrote. “Our intelligence source was involved in sending coordinates, directing the airdrop, participating in and making the operation a success until the last minute.”

I do have a lot of questions though… like, were his undies just draped all willy-nilly? To get proper DNA, wouldn’t they have had to be dirty? *shivers*

Whoever it was should really consider becoming a stunt devil for some of our superhero movies. You have to admit that’s pretty stealthy.

“Al-Baghdadi’s head remained intact following the blast, allowing commandos to use biometrics, specifically facial recognition, to immediately identify him. Trump said they had also brought along samples of al-Baghdadi’s DNA to verify his identity with an onsite test that produced positive results in only 15 minutes.”

PLEASE tell me you also saw the use of the word “commandos” just now… just me?! Come on… they have his underwear… Whatever.

SO. MUCH. YES.

I’ll drink to that.

If I ever meet Donald Trump, I’d give him the heftiest high-five that my guppy-like upper body strength will allow!

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