OPINION | This article contains political commentary which reflects the author's opinion.
First of all, I think it goes without saying that last night’s CNN/NYT debate was a massive sh*tshow in nearly every way. To quote basically every candidate on that stage, LET ME BE CLEAR about that.
Just a quick summary of my thoughts on each candidate:
Biden – He literally said people clip coupons out of the stock market. I mean, obviously he’s disqualified, right? The guy has lost his mind. And I know this is true of every politician in general, but he should have been waaaaay better prepared to answer this question.
“You said if you're president no one in your family will work for foreign companies. If it'll be inappropriate when you're president, why was it appropriate when you were VP?”
Joe Biden: *avoids the question*
— Students For Trump (@TrumpStudents) October 16, 2019
Warren – Gee golly shucks she’s earnest, isn’t she? She’s the clear front-runner, both before and after last night’s clown-fest. She is legit terrible at answering the question about raising taxes, which is remarkable given that even freaking COLBERT tried to coach her how to answer it better, and at this point it’s just laughable how she can’t own her plan to raise taxes. JUST SAY IT, you crazy loon. Everyone is making fun of you – even the people with whom you’re sharing the stage. Just freaking SAY IT.
Sanders – the old coot looked remarkably spry after his heart surgery. Finger wagging was top notch, and he just got the endorsement of most of the squad, so his socialist cred is at 100%. So’s his complete delusion about how reality works. Case in point.
Damn right we will guarantee a job for every American. #DemDebate
— Bernie Sanders (@BernieSanders) October 16, 2019
Yang – I get this guy’s appeal, what with his refusal to cave to the patriarchy and wear ties and whatnot, but if you need help understanding why he’s a lunatic, look no further than Kelley’s recent post.
Mayor Pete – Pete had himself a strong showing last night, I must say. He went after O’Rourke, he went after Liz – he was Mr. Aggressive Pants. He’s getting a lot of Democrat accolades this morning. My favorite part was when he went after O’Rourke about guns, calling him out for not being able to explain how he’d implement his gun policies, and then promptly proceeding to not be able to explain how he’d implement his own gun policies. It was awesome.
Booker – Booker auditioned really hard for VP last night, playing nice and telling everyone how it was super destructive to have in-fighting and how they all needed to stop tearing each other down. It was super easy for him to do that, what with that being his last time being on a debate stage and whatnot.
Gabbard – Princess White Suit looked stunning as always, and I LOVED her answer to the dumbass question at the end about who she’s friends with that’d surprise people. Tulsi and Trey, sittin’ in a tree. I also liked that she called out NYT and CNN right to their faces, and that she said when she looks at America she doesn’t see deplorables – only Americans.
Steyer – OMG THIS GUY IS INSANE. Also, did y’all notice that his skin is grey? It was very disconcerting, almost as much as the way he stared right into the camera whenever he spoke. My favorite part was the opening line of his that he thought would result in mass applause, but totally fizzled. It was such a Jeb Bush Please Clap moment. I also thought it was super neat how he said billionaires shouldn’t exist, while maintaining his billionaire status. Democrats are awesome at hypocrisy.
Klobuchar – I keep seeing reports that she had a great night, which completely baffles me. She sounded ready to burst into tears nearly the entire night, her jokes fell completely flat, and when she fought with others on stage, HER FACE WAS SO PISSY.
"I want to give a reality check to Elizabeth [Warren], because no one on this stage wants to protect billionaires. Not even the billionaire wants to protect billionaires. … Your idea is not the only idea." – Sen. Amy Klobuchar on Warren's support for a wealth tax #DemDebate pic.twitter.com/7vxVy16IM0
— CNN (@CNN) October 16, 2019
Harris – OMG when she tried to get Warren to side with her on Trump getting his Twitter account taken away, that was the moment her campaign was well and truly done with. This was such an embarrassment. Also I am completely freaked out by how long her fingers are.
Elizabeth Warren just embarrassed Kamala Harris by refusing to entertain her crazy idea of calling for the President of the United States to be Banned from Twitter.
— Benny (@bennyjohnson) October 16, 2019
O’Rourke – Dude. Give it up. There is not a sane person alive who thinks you have half a clue what you’re even saying most of the time. Just stop. I mean, is he serious with this nonsense?
— M&AShow (@MAShow995) October 16, 2019
THERE IS ALREADY A LAW NOT TO MURDER PEOPLE YOU IDIOT. OMG. People aren’t just going to turn in their weapons because you make a law saying they need to.
Castro – did you guys see the moment of realization when he got asked that final question about surprising friendships, where he was all, “Holy sh*t I have no friends?” I literally LOLd.
Anyway, it’s early but these are my first-of-the-morning thoughts. What’d y’all think?