Marianne Williamson NEEDS You to Know She Doesn’t Own Crystals

OPINION | This article contains political commentary which reflects the author's opinion.

It’s been too long since we heard from Marianne Williamson, who is shockingly somehow still running her campaign. I miss her. But she’s back, with a thing or two to say about her characterization in the media– and it’s not about Republicans.

In an interview with Yahoo News, Williamson demanded that she be taken seriously by her own party.

“This idea that I’m a crystal woo woo lady … the crystal woo woo lady image, to some extent amusing, has no relation to reality. I’ve never had a crystal, I’ve never written about crystals. I’ve never talked about crystals. I’ve never had a crystal onstage with me.”

Aside from uttering the best four-word moniker I’ve ever heard in my life, Williamson manages to completely miss the point. It’s not about the crystals, Marianne. It’s never been about the crystals. That being said, maybe you should invest in a couple. You never know, they might help, and your campaign isn’t really in a position to be turning down offers of assistance.

Williamson is also adamant that her peers on the left are her biggest problem. “Unfortunately,” she said, “the vicious smears have not been coming from Republicans.”

Of course they haven’t, we love hearing from Marianne. You’re doing great, sweetie. Keep it up. Go get em, tiger. We support you every step of the way.