Uncle Joe Hearkens Back to Glory Days of Physical Assault, Threatens To Assault President Trump

Rachel S

WATCH: Biden says I wish I could take Trump behind the gym

Does Joe Biden have any sense? Has he ever?

It was a rhetorical question. We all know the answer is a resounding NO.

Recently, creepy Uncle Joe went a’ramblin’ about his tough-as-nails attitude to a rough and tumble past, likening President Trump to grade school bullies. But a summary can’t do it justice, best to just watch for yourself:

There’s so much to unpack here, and it’s all hilarious, but in a depressing, “holy crap he might actually have the most marbles of anyone running in the Democratic primaries how did we come to this” kind of way. I’m going to narrow down the hilarity to three main points; please feel free to share your favorite little insanity nuggets in the comments because I could literally parse this 44-second clip for DAYS and not get bored.

First, the delivery. “Oh sure it worries me, in the sense that I’m looking forward to this, man! You walk behind me in a debate. . . c’mere, man.” I mean. . . what?? He’s got the crazy of a few too many brewskies in his eyes as he talks about all the fights he didn’t actually get into but TOTALLY would’ve won if they’d actually escalated. This feels less like an interview and more like an awkward conversation you try to avoid at family gatherings with weird Uncle Joe. And we’re supposed to vote this man into the Oval Office? Joe. Have some perspective.

My next favorite part is when he describes Donald Trump as a bully: “He’s the bully I knew my whole life. The bully that I’ve always stood up to. He’s the bully that used to make fun when I was a kid and a stutter and I’d smack them in the mouth.”

Umm. . . maybe it’s just me, but responding to even the most unpleasant of confrontations with physical violence is the kind of thing that bullies do. As is threatening to “beat the hell” out of someone, which, oh! How fascinating! Moldy Joe has ALSO done! I’m not even going to bother wondering out loud if the irony of this is lost on him, because that’s sort of my favorite thing of all of this.

After all this tough talk about bullies and smacking and dubious use of the moniker “man,” creepy Uncle Joe goes on to explain that “the American people want a president who has some dignity.” Ah, yes. That’s the word I would use to describe whatever that preceding rant was. Not “insane,” “delusional,” “childish,” “pandering,” “self-aggrandizing,” “classless,” or “juvenile.” None of those could POSSIBLY refer to Moldy Joe, right?

The juxtaposition of the first part of that clip compared to the last part is going to be the thing I’m thinking about at 2 AM instead of sleeping. Not because of its incongruity– I’ve come to expect that from the Left– but because I still can’t figure out how Biden and any number of his supporters genuinely do not see the dissonance between “You walk behind me in a debate. . . c’mere, man” and the implication that he would be a word leader “who has some dignity.” How utterly charming. I’m going to cry into a glass of wine over it.

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