HORRIBLE WEEK: Iowa Poll Results Deliver Tough News For Joe Biden And Bernie Sanders

Rachel S

For a party that emphasizes inclusion of minorities and a break from tradition, the crusty old white men of the DNC are doing rather well as the Iowa caucus approaches.

Moldy Joe is firmly in the lead among Iowa voters, with 24% of those polled citing him as their first choice. In second place is Bernie Sanders, with 16% picking him as their #1; Elizabeth Warren rounds out the top 3 with 15%.

Having grown up in Nebraska, I can’t pretend to be surprised by these numbers. We in the Midwest stick to our guns, and the liberals in the area I knew leading up to the 2016 election were the staunchest of Bernie Bros this nation ever did see.

That being said, in Nebraska we have another saying: you know why it’s so windy in Nebraska?

Because Iowa sucks.

Okay, okay. That’s totally ad hominem and not particularly useful, but I think it’s really funny and both Biden and Bernie actually do suck as presidential candidates. Sanders is on the record as saying that bread lines are a sign of a well-functioning government, which you’d think would be a universal red flag, but evidently is not.

Ah, well, that quote is from the 80’s; he’s well within his rights to flake out and take a different stance. Based on Biden’s popularity, he might actually benefit. After all, the only thing Joe Biden has been consistent on is his tendency to fondle and invade the space of women and children. I’m as big a fan as the next guy of consistency and conviction, but like, maybe we should ask Biden to be more consistent in his political views and less so in his desire to create the most uncomfortable and, frankly, icky on-screen moments of the 21st century. Bernie’s ideas may be absolutely out of touch with reality, but at least he has conviction.

I guess the Iowa caucus will be an important litmus test for the American left of 2019. Which is more repulsive to today’s progressives: moldy-touchy and flippy-floppy, or batshit crazy who may not survive the first term?