No, folks. I’m not talking about the “Pizzagate” conspiracy theories. (NOR DO I WANT TO.)
I’m talking the Chuck E. Cheese’s Pizza-splicing conspiracy!
Haven’t heard of it? Watch THIS!
(Or don’t. It’s REALLY long)
Long story short, Chuck E. Cheese’s allegedly uses uneaten pizza slices and serves them as one franken-pizza.
According to Fox News:
In his partially tongue-in-cheek investigative video, Dawson – who boasts more than 20 million subscribers on YouTube – explored online rumors that employees of Chuck E. Cheese would allegedly collect uneaten pizza slices from the dining area, and once inside the kitchen, fit those pieces back together and re-serve them as part of a new pizza.
Dawson referred to online photos of whole Chuck E. Cheese’s pizzas that appeared to have been comprised of mismatched slices, and even alleged to have seen the “misplaced” pizza slices in person, during his own visits as a child.
“I went there a lot. And it was always like, misplaced pizzas,” he said in the video.
Dawson also claims he knew a girl in high school who worked at Chuck E. Cheese’s and had heard of this practice, though he admitted she could have been lying, or propagating false rumors.
In the video, titled “Investigating Conspiracies with Shane Dawson,” Dawson and a friend visit a Chuck E. Cheese’s and order a few pizzas, with Dawson later concluding that “there’s something going on” with the mismatched slices.
He and a friend are also seen inspecting a couple of Chuck E. Cheese’s pizza at home, where they try to move the slices around to see if they can make the pieces fit.
“I don’t know,” Dawson ultimately declared. “And I hope it’s just [an] optical illusion.”
LOLOLOLOL. THIS IS REPULSIVE.
…and SO, like most disgusting things, it’s gone viral.
Redditors have tried to provide an explanation:
“All the slices are from the same pizza, it’s just when the pizza comes out of the oven, they place it on a cutting board in order to slice it. The slicer is very large and kind of heavy, so some ppl have a lot of difficulty trying to cut the pizza perfectly. [That’s] why some slices are different sizes [than] others,” the Redditor wrote.
“After the pizza is done being cut, the cook slides it onto a tray to carry out to the guests. It’s when the pizza is being slid off of the cutting board and onto the tray where it gets kind of wonky looking.”
HMM. I SUPPOSE that makes sense.
And Chuck E. Cheese’s has FIRMLY denied the claims:
“The claims made in this video about Chuck E. Cheese’s and our pizza are unequivocally false,” a representative for Chuck E. Cheese said of the theory, which YouTuber Shane Dawson floated on Monday. “No conspiracies here — our pizzas are made to order and we prepare our dough fresh in restaurant, which means that they’re not always perfectly uniform in shape, but always delicious.”
Chuck E. Cheese’s sounds like my idea of hell on earth, so I’ve never been to one… which is probably why I think this whole thing is ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS.
But what do you think? Is Chuck E. Cheese’s PIZZA SPLICING?!