Avenatti Has A New Anti-Trump Client

Ashley (Kimber)

Dear LORD.

Will this man just give it UP already? He’s DONE.

NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU ANYMORE, BUBBA!

…which is why this article hit him SO. DAMN. HARD.

Remember when Michael Avenatti was the Democrats’ big hope for 2020? He wasn’t just that, though. Parachuting in to launch his presidential campaign to the DNC’s “Ethnic Council” and its black caucus in Chicago in August, he enthusiastically adopted the party’s guiltspeak. “People that look like me, white men, we need to stand up,” he told his minority audience, exactly the kind of cost-free identity-politics self-castigation without which no Democrat can hope to rise very far. In the same month, Avenatti spoke at the “Democratic Wing Ding” dinner in Iowa and announced plans to visit at least 20 more states.

These days Avenatti’s attempts to stay in the headlines just seem sad: He’s representing one of the more obscure figures of the Resistance, a woman who climbed as far as the right foot of the Statue of Liberty (that high?) to protest Trump’s immigration policies but whose refusal to come down forced the evacuation of Liberty Island. What next? Maybe Avenatti will go to the pawn shop to pay a visit to his former watches. Maybe he’ll become in-house counsel for the Hustler Club. Maybe he’ll chain himself to the White House fence. If so, that’s as close as he’s ever going to get to the Oval Office.

You know who’s not too happy about it?

LOLOLOLOLOLOL.

Anywhooo… he’s trying really, really, REALLY hard to be relevant again, since CNN isn’t returning his calls anymore.

This is the best he could come up with:

BAAAAAHAHAHAHA!

I’d almost have some sympathy for how pathetically HARD he’s trying if he weren’t such a DOUCHELORD.

Actually… they probably met at Taco Bell.

Ba Dum BUM!

My fiance is a criminal lawyer. He’s absolutely perplexed that this earthworm of a man is still licensed to practice law.

He puts scumbag lawyers everywhere to shame. Avenatti takes scumbaggery to a whole new level. He’s literally just doing this to get back on TV.