Yet another reason that I could NEVER be a feminist.
We’ve talked about Jody Allard before. She’s the feminist mother who was appalled that her own sons were sick of her badgering them about “rape culture” all the time, though she continued to do it.
Now she has a new column out wherein she’s STILL berating her two sons publicly for their disdain and skepticism over “rape culture.” What’s stupid about this is that she acknowledges that these young men are both decent and respectful young men, but that doesn’t matter. A dude is a dude and his mere existence contributes to rape culture –
If the feminist men—the men who proudly declare their progressive politics and their fight for quality—aren’t safe, then what man is? No man, I fear.
I have two sons. They are strong and compassionate—the kind of boys other parents are glad to meet when their daughters bring them home for dinner. They are good boys, in the ways good boys are, but they are not safe boys. I’m starting to believe there’s no such thing.
It gets worse. While she didn’t mention this detail in this particular post, Allard has mentioned in unrelated columns that one of her sons is suicidal –
Everyone has tried to tell me that my son’s depression and suicidal thoughts aren’t my fault. Friends have consoled me and therapists, nurses, and psychiatrists have told me about brain chemicals and depression. I’ve grasped at their words, but they’re no match for the fear that beats inside me. It’s comforting on some level to think it’s my fault because if it’s my fault I have the power to change it. But it’s perhaps even more terrifying to believe that this is something I’ve done to my son, whether through bad parenting, crappy genes, or a combination of the two.
I don’t in any way want to blame Allard for her son’s issues with depression and suicide – it’s a complex issue with a lot of details that are unique in every situation (and having dealt with depression personally, it’s a harrowing experience that makes absolutely no sense from an outsider’s perspective). But, geez lady – do you think you could NOT try to add to the boy’s negative mental voices?
And yet, she continues to parade both her sons’ failing as human beings (read: the fact that they’re male and don’t particularly appreciate being labeled as horrible violent misogynists) in public. Yep. I’m suuuuuuure that’s doing wonders for their senses of self-worth.
One of her sons (it’s not clear if its the son with depression), even called her out for her behavior. And she can’t figure out why he’d turn to anti-feminist outlets to vent his frustration –
One of my sons was hurt by my words, although he’s never told me so. He doesn’t understand why I lumped him and his brother together in my essay. He sees himself as the “good” one, the one who is sensitive and thoughtful, and who listens instead of reacts. He doesn’t understand that even quiet misogyny is misogyny, and that not all sexists sound like Twitter trolls. He is angry at me now, although he won’t admit that either, and his anger led him to conservative websites and YouTube channels; places where he can surround himself with righteous indignation against feminists, and tell himself it’s ungrateful women like me who are the problem.
I teeter frequently between supporting my son and educating him. Is it my job as his mother to ensure he feels safe emotionally, no matter what violence he spews? Is it my job as his mother to steer and educate, no matter how much that education challenges his view of himself? I think it’s both, but the balance between the two has proven impossible to pinpoint. When I hear his voice become defensive, I back off but question whether I’m doing him any favors by allowing his perception of himself to go unchallenged. When I confront him with his own sexism, I question whether I’m pushing too hard and leaving him without an emotional safe space in his home.
Oh gee, lady – you wonder why your son would resent being told he’s the problem in society. People generally don’t like being told how racist/sexist/homophobic/bigoted they are (“Basket of Deplorables,” anyone?) And they tend to react negatively to that kind of talk. That’s just when strangers do it. I can’t imagine it’s much better when YOUR OWN MOTHER treats you like that.
Feminists’ attitudes toward men in general really hack me off. But the fact that this woman is doing this to HER OWN CHILDREN is beyond infuriating. Particularly because I’m about to become a mother to a little boy (wait – let me rephrase. In most ways, I am already his mother). I see the kind of hostile environment Allard and her ilk are creating for boys and men and it breaks my heart. My son hasn’t even been born, yet I’m certain that feminists would brand him as a rapist-in-embryo, just because he’s in possession of an XY chromosome. My little boy is going to grow up and go to school and probably hear garbage like this because it’s politically correct. He’s going to be told that his very existence is violence against women. He doesn’t even have to so much as look in a female’s general direction – he’s already guilty by association. I’m going to have to explain to him that some women are just hateful and vile people.
Well, good thing I’ve had practice with mocking these disgusting feminist hosehags.
Dang. And I thought dads with daughters had it rough. I guess being a parent is a tough job, no matter if you’re raising girls or boys.
Feminism is a blight on our society and culture – both for men and women, boys and girls. It creates a poisonous atmosphere for otherwise healthy relationships between the sexes to grow and mature. It creates victims and bullies of both men and women. It makes it impossible for us to celebrate our innate-yet-complementary differences and relate to each other and raise families.
Mostly, I feel sorry for Allard’s boys. On one level, I even feel sorry for Allard herself. She’s let herself see her children as second-class citizens, their natural male tendencies as a defect to be “fixed” and hammered out of them. Never mind that, by her own admission, they are excellent examples of good young men and ought to be encouraged along the path they’re on. But she just can’t get past the fact that they are men. And because of that, she’s missing out on seeing them for the remarkable human beings they are turning out to be.
Who’s the sexist one, again?