U2’s Bono Wants To ‘Send In’ Comedians To Combat ISIS

Hannah Bleau

ISIS. It’s a problem. The Obama Administration has spent more time denying the reality of the situation than crafting a viable solution to defeat the savages. We’ve heard it all– “They just need jobs!” “We don’t understaaaaaand their culture!” “They don’t even have anything to do with Islam!” “We can end the violence with love!”

Just when I thought I’ve heard it all, U2’s Bono comes out and drops this doozy.

Bono testified before the Senate Appropriations subcommittee Tuesday and told lawmakers that we need to “send in” comedians like Amy Schumer, Chris Rock and Sacha Baron Cohen to the Middle East. You know, so they can tell jokes in the streets, which will neutralize the bloodshed, because it’s hard to chop off heads while laughing at Amy Schumer’s jokes. Or something.

“If you laugh at them when they’re goose-stepping down the street, then it takes away their power,” Bono said.

Bono also said we need to focus on foreign aid in order to combat the three big problems causing this whole mess– ideology, poverty and climate.

“Those three extremes make one unholy trinity of an enemy and our foreign policy needs to face in that direction,” he said. “It’s even bigger than you think.”

Now before you write Bono off as some clown, please know he’s more than qualified to make this educated suggestion. In fact, he 1.) Recently “visited Kenya, Jordan, Turkey and Egypt as part of a US congressional delegation led by Republican Senator Lindsey Graham” 2.) Laughed at one of Schumer’s jokes once 3.) Sang “Sunday, Bloody Sunday.”

So as you can see, he’s completely qualified.

Listen to Bono. We won’t defeat ISIS by actually killing them. We just need to make them laugh! I bet if the U.S. implemented that genius foreign policy strategy back in the day, we could’ve avoided the entire Cold War.