Attention Townspeople: The Discovery Of Water On Mars May Be Sexist

Hannah Bleau

I’m desperately hoping–praying– this is just brilliant satire. But it was published on BuzzFeed and given the ridiculous demands from feminists in recent weeks–like censoring people who say “you suck” on the internet– I’m not entirely sure anymore.

The community user, who wrote under the pseudonym Cynthia Whitehead in order to “avoid the massive harassment” from “white-cis internet trolls,” wrote an article entitled, “Why Scientists Finding Water On Mars Is Blatant Misogyny.”

Cynthia’s a “proud third wave feminist” who’s outraged over the recent discovery of water on Mars because Mars is a “male” planet, and it’s ridiculous that scientists are so interested in male planets. Because what about Venus? Why don’t they care about water on that planet, huh?

Why not Venus, huh, why didn’t these misogynist assholes go look for water on Venus? I’ll tell you why, sisters, pure misogyny. Pure capitalism in action and these sexist overlords aren’t stopping there.

Pure misogyny. Sexist overlords. Again, I’m sincerely hoping this is satire.

She goes on to list the reasons why the field of science is “a tool of white-cis, capitalist patriarchy.”

This includes the fact that white men dominate the STEM fields, the scientific community basically hates women because it “pretty much only researches men’s problems,” and the white men in these fields fail to admit that they’re privileged “and don’t deserve the wages they’re earning.”

All white male scientists should be taxed at 80%— to be donated to feminist research charities, but that’s a discussion for another article.

Still sincerely hoping this is satire.

Seriously though. End the “Venal-water denialism,” you misogynistic freaks.

What do you think? Is this chick for real, or is this just brilliant satire? This world is so messed up, I can no longer distinguish a clever joke from reality. It overlaps too often.

P.S.– I actually don’t give a flying flapjack that they discovered water on Mars.

h/t Red Alert Politics