A few days ago, I wrote about a column I'd read at Total Frat Move about women crying "rape" after spending evenings consensually doing things they later regretted. If you haven't read that, click right here.
I got a lot of flak for that post, from women who insisted that I was being too "black and white." Some implied that I was suggesting that rape is never rape, which is ludicrous. Of course rape happens. It happens all too frequently. But false claims of rape like the example I gave in that earlier post – with the chick who was on the receiving end of oral sex on the side of a busy street in Ohio – happen all too frequently too. And while there are no consequences faced by those women who falsely charge men of sexual assault, the men they accuse often have their lives completely destroyed.
I am simply stunned that anyone thinks this is ok.
Women and men alike face consequences for their actions when they drive while drunk. I cannot understand why the standards change when the act is sex instead of driving.
Now, of course all of that flies out the window when it comes to men who GET women drunk or otherwise drug them without their knowledge. But I'm not talking about those instances. I'm talking about instances where women go to frat house parties, drink themselves silly, throw themselves at guys, willingly have sex with those guys, and then regret it in the morning and claim they were raped.
I got a letter from a serviceman after I posted that column, and he has allowed me to share it with y'all. THIS is what I'm talking about.
First off – hello and greetings! I’ve been reading your site for a while now – and LOVE your attitudes and your “take” on things. I think I wrote you a quick note before, just of general support, but on this one article I wanted to add my 2 cents.
You wrote about and commented on : "Rape is Rape, except when it isn’t."
This will take a minute to lay out – but I beg you to please read it. False accusations have consequences, and NOT punishing false accusers very often leads to more victims down the road. **Full disclosure, this isn’t hypothetical to me – I was falsely accused of rape in college. Without hyperbole or drama, this was the single most destructive and life altering event that ever happened in my life.**
I made the comment in the FB section of comments on the CotR site, about how no one had mentioned punishing the false accuser. The reply I got was pretty typical (and expected), which is that this will discourage other rape victims from coming forward.
I am writing to you because I see a similarity in both liberal and conservative female responses – we can’t punish false accusers because it would discourage real rape victims. It’s so frustrating that the idea that this means that while women MAY not get justice, it ENSURES that men NEVER will.
Let me give you a real world and famous example: Crystal G. Mangum, the Duke false accuser. During the case, her own father told the press that they might want to slow down a bit, because she had falsely accused 3 black men of the same crime a decade earlier. The press largely ignored it. But notice that despite her having a history of doing almost exactly the same thing, she was not deterred – the message she’d gotten was that she could do this crime with impunity, and just kept refining her lies to make them better. Before the Duke case, she stole a car from a guy she was giving a lap dance to, and in the course of the chase, attempted to run over a cop. She plead the race and gender card and got a few years. By the time the Duke case came up she was on parole or probation. So – Duke happened and she skated. Then she committed DV and burned her BF’s clothes, but, again, played the victim and nothing happened.She recently got convicted of 2nd degree murder. Someone had to die before this insanity stopped. No one had the stones to punish her, to tell her no, to stop her from going from victim to victim – all out of fear of the feminist lobby and the cries from both liberal and conservative women that punishing even a provable liar would “deter real victims from coming forward.”Let’s recap: She falsely accused 3 black men of rape, stole a cabbies car, almost killed a police man, falsely accused 3 white kids, committed multiple acts of brazen domestic violence, and it took a man dying before she was finally held accountable.In my own case I dated a girl, and after a few weeks decided she wasn’t for me. No sex ever even happened. There is a long long story to recount in all this, but suffice to say, she made it up out of whole cloth. I finally, after 1 ½ years, working purely from memory, found enough evidence to give the university serious pause. This was in the early 90’s – on today’s college campuses, as PC as they are, I doubt a video showing my innocence would suffice. I presented it to the university who slipped a copy of it all to her parents (her dad was a professor there) and they basically said “you need to know this”. Her parents and the family priest had an intervention and she admitted to lying.
I’m skipping over the details of the whole case and my railroading because a) it’s too freaking painful to relive it and b) it would take pages to write it.What I will tell you is what I found out afterwards that is very relevant to why I’m writing to you. This wasn’t her first false accusation. Not even close. But, everyone thought “we’ll talk to her” (parents and school folks and priest and counselors) – and that was that. No real punishment, and certainly no records so that her NEXT victim might have a way to show she was a sociopath. No – that would “deter real victims”. Give. Me. A. Break. **I WAS the real victim**After she was found out they suspended her – for **1** whole semester. Again, this was the early 90’s – I doubt she’d even face a talking to now. I never returned to my old campus. It was too painful and so much damage had been done. I did however have friends who were attending when she came back from her suspension. After begging and pleading not to be expelled for what she did, and how bad she felt, she came back and told everyone that she’d needed a semester off to deal with her pain from her “freshman rape experience”. Yep, she was shamelessly “in character” and her expression of remorse was just more play acting. Oh, and isn’t it nice, she also had joined, and continued to be a part of the Rape Crisis Center on campus. She was going to help other women “take back the night”.While I do not know, nor can I prove it, I have no doubt that this PATTERN she exhibited, over and over, shamelessly and without a shred of remorse, probably continued later in her life. She’d done it before, and no one had punished her. She’d done it again, and it got her attention, respect, deference, and was affirmed to her over and over by all those around her.I am writing to you to let you know that not punishing false accusers means that, very likely, there WILL be more victims – male victims. I mean how do liars get to be really good liars? The same way you get to Carnegie Hall : Practice Practice Practice.Right now – we men who are falsely accused have no shot at justice. None. Not in the schools, not in our courts, and worse yet – all those females out there who claim to be against this happening, can’t seem to find the empathy nor simple logical understanding that maybe we male victims would like a dose closure and a shot at justice. Maybe it would be nice if they’d be willing to realize that the real victim is not “real rape victims” (who certainly are secondary victims in this) but the falsely accused. And we’re being told by women on the left and the right to suck it up, emotionally deal with NEVER getting justice, and know full well, that the perp who did this to us can just wait a while and do this to someone else.
THAT is the price for not punishing false accusers.Even though I was never arrested, and even though I was finally cleared, I can tell you it took me YEARS to get past this. I was removed from school and have never finished my degree. I have faced combat on 2 tours and I’d rather go again than go on a college campus. At least in combat I can shoot back. At least in combat my sisters have my back and won’t tell me to absorb rounds so that other women might not get hurt. That’s messed up. For YEARS, I was so emotionally and psychologically screwed up over this.And women on the left and the right tell me “well, we can’t punish these female criminals” – criminals who use violence by proxy of the state and our colleges, criminals who make men economic, academic, political, and financial second class citizens.That’s the state of it now. All because “it MIGHT deter a FEMALE victim from coming forward”.Let me offer an alternative future: If we punished false accusers, then less “junk” cases, like you covered here, would come forward. That means the rate of convictions for real rapists would rise. Prosecutors could tell victims “look – we have a great conviction rate, we put them behind bars”. More real victims of rape would come forward, emboldened by more convictions. Also, more false accusers would face justice, and have convictions on their records, and maybe be deterred from doing it again and again.How is this NOT a win-win?Sorry this was so long and so poorly written – this takes a lot out of me to write.You can, of course, contact me for any details, to make sure I’m not some nut or troll, or just to say hi. I really do love your site and your message, and I hope you don’t mind I shared my thoughts.Respectfully,SB
That just makes me boiling mad, y'all. And that's the kind of crap I was referring to in my first post about this issue. Women like the chick who falsely accused that serviceman, or like the chick in Ohio getting serviced on the side of the road? They do a huge disservice to women who have truly been assaulted and raped. And that's just not ok.