Justice Gorsuch Lays The SMACK DOWN On Wedding Cakes

Justice Gorsuch just said exactly what we’ve ALL been thinking about wedding cakes…

Gorsuch stands up to wedding cakes pic.twitter.com/I4EYOjqZem

— CFPB Director, Sloth Division, Shoshana Weissmann (@senatorshoshana) December 5, 2017

Oooh. Justice Gorsuch drags wedding cakes for generally looking good but not, well, having great flavor.

— Scott Shackford [Blue Checkmark] (@SShackford) December 5, 2017

He’s right.

THEY DON’T EVER TASTE THAT GREAT.

BOOM. Truth bomb.

Admit it. 99.9% of the wedding cakes you’ve tried have been the equivalent of air-fluffed cardboard smeared in sugar paste.

IT’S JUST THE TRUTH, AND GORSUCH ISN’T AFRAID TO ADMIT IT.

It needed to be said, honestly.

— Polly Karr (@karr_pe) December 5, 2017

I’m sure he would have liked the DQ ice cream cakes we served at my wedding.

— Alex Welch (@awelch744) December 5, 2017

I am also sure of it. Those are delicious.

Our wedding cake was delicious but we got a carrot cake, insisted on just cream cheese frosting (no fondunt) and when baker balked that the cake wouldn’t be smooth and it would make them look bad I told them to dust the sides with coconut so they were off the hook.

— Brian Knight (@BrianRKnight) December 5, 2017

EXACTLY. IT WAS DELICIOUS BECAUSE IT WASN’T WEDDING CAKE.

This is an example of a true fact.

— Michael Pratt (@mikejpratt) December 5, 2017

I’ve been having birthday pies instead of cakes for years now. Pie > cake. Always.

— Perry Reed (@perryman) December 5, 2017

100% INARGUABLE TRUTH. (ok….I really, really like pie.)

Agree, wedding cakes never taste right. Made for looks, I think, not for taste. Not sure of the context or why this would be a reasonable question for oral arguments, though.

— Joshua Katz (@katzatlarge) December 5, 2017

Well Joshua… let me break it down for you.

They’re arguing the whole gay cake v. Christian baker situation.

They’re trying to decide whether cakes are “protected creative expression” or just food.

If the look and symbolism of the cake is more important than the cake as a dessert… well… guess what. It’s probably creative expression.

So wedding cake usually tasting like sweet packing peanuts is because it’s ART, folks. The taste is secondary. The MEANING is primary.

I FREAKING LOVE THIS CRAP.