The “Tampon Run” Video Game Is The Best Feminist Gamers Can Do? Seriously?

Sweet Bowser's Castle and Donkey Kong's banana stash – I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!

Okay, girl gamers. You want more female-inclusive video games? Here is what your efforts have resulted in. I give you – Tampon Run.

(Hold on – I need a minute – still LAUGHING).

Watch this report from CNN and try your best to keep it together. I sure as heck can't do it.

Notice how all the "enemies" are white males (presumably straight, but one can't always tell). And they probably vote Republican and watch Fox News. Because – PATRIARCHY! And tampons fight the patriarchy!

(I'm sorry – I soooo can't say that with a straight face.)

Laughing aside (don't worry, I'll get back to that), this is still so very sad. These girls are in high school! They're both very talented and are well on their way toward making something of themselves in the video game industry, if they choose to do so. But what's heartbreaking is that they have CLEARLY bought into this insidious lie that male gamers are full of OPPRESSION and are going to constantly engage in sexual misconduct and microaggression against women (wonder if they had this lesson about misogyny in video gaming as part of their computer ethics class or something).

So what do they come up with? A video game character that uses tampons as weapons.

I do love what one commenter said on the Facebook post of the video – If this was "Condom Run," it would be considered misogynist and sexist.

(Side note: Since liberal feminists believe that the portrayal of women in video games are what guy gamers really think of women, do they also believe that throwing a box of tampons at a guy in real life is going to suddenly make these arbiters of the EEEEEEEEEVIL patriarchy cower in fear? If that's the case, they need to meet my younger brother who has four sisters and has no problem with being around feminine hygiene products. He'd probably look at you like you were high or something.)

I seriously don't understand why periods are suddenly this great feminist weapon against male oppression. I mean, who in the world wants to confiscate tampons? (Probably ISIS, but their morality is beyond skewed.) Yes, all women menstruate. But it's not the end-all-be-all quality of womanhood! I know liberal women love to bleat about ladyparts and vagina voting, like that's all they're made of. But I am MUCH more than simple biology and the intelligent women I know (including, but certainly not limited to, Mock and Daisy and Red Dawn) think about issues the same way the intelligent men I know do – with our freaking brains! Whether it's politics or pop culture – it is possible to think beyond your X or Y chromosome and not be all "ZOMG – OPPRESSION!" at every turn and corner (unlike some people we could point to).

In the meantime – Feminism Power! Fight off our terrible oppressors! Arm yourself with Tampax!

(STILL LAUGHING!)