Students Sign Fake Petition To Ban Valentine’s Day, Because It’s ‘Offensive’ To Single Students

Hannah Bleau

I’m not going to lie to you. Valentine’s Day is one of my least favorite holidays, and it’s not because I’m a bitter old broad who hates love. It’s turned into a day of posting endless couple photos on Instagram to prove you love your significant other the MOST. A lot of the time, it doesn’t reflect reality. They’re presenting what they WANT people to think their relationship looks like instead of focusing on the relationship itself.

It’s all about how it looks to other people. It’s lame. I actually had this text convo with one of my friends this morning.

Friend: 

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! Be aware of all the couples around the world posting a billion photos today.

Me: Happy Valentine’s Day to youuuuuuu! Don’t worry…the season of breakups is only a few months away 😂

Friend: 

Haha YES!!! It’s always the fall.

Me: 

FLOWERS AREN’T THAT GREAT ANYWAY

Gimme steak

Some people love Valentine’s Day, and that’s cool. It’s just not my favorite. I definitely don’t think it’s OFFENSIVE, like these goons.

Campus Reform hit up Cornell University and presented students with a fake petition to ban Valentine’s Day. The reason for the fake ban? It’s too offensive to single students!

It quickly became clear that students at Cornell were more than willing to go along with any measure that would supposedly make campus a more inclusive space.

“That’s a really nice petition,” said one student, while another admitted “I’m in a relationship, but I totally understand.”

One student condemned the school’s handling of the holiday in the past, saying “I would also point out the administration is really heteronormative about [Valentine’s Day] which is kinda f***** up.”

One student went so far as to ask for our contact information, so they could share the fabricated petition online to gain more supporters.

Forget being part of the generation that does something awesome like find the cure for cancer. My generation wants to ban Valentine’s Day.

WHYYYYYYYYYY.