You guys, last summer, or perhaps even the summer before that, a new fashion trend emerged that I immediately detested.
The cold shoulder top.
Here are a few examples.
And if those weren’t dumb enough, then came the cold shoulder SWEATERS.
Listen, I know this is going to sound irrational, but I go into total rage spirals when I see cold shoulder tops. It’s the same feeling I get when I see Smart cars. And I know that’s irrational too, but knowing it doesn’t stop the rage. I have a regular four door sedan, but I think if I had a big giant SUV, and I came up behind a Smart car, I’d have an uncontrollable urge to just drive right on top of it. That is how much they enrage me.
And what’s particularly odd about that is that I don’t mind those little Fiat 500s that are about the same size. I don’t LIKE them, but they don’t make me rage.
Anyway, back to the cold shoulder tops. I’m starting to get catalogs for spring and summer, and they’re back, you guys. I was really hoping this was a 1-2 season MAX kind of trend, but it continues to linger, and there’s no sign of these dreadful tops going away anytime soon.
Why do I rage at them? I’m not sure, exactly, except that very rarely do I see anyone look GOOD in them. I don’t rage at off-the-shoulder tops. I don’t rage at one-shoulder tops. I don’t rage at sleeveless tops or spaghetti-strapped tops. But tops that have hole-y shoulders for no good reason?
FULL ON RAGE.
And sweaters that are cold shoulder cause me extra rage simply because they are so egregiously pointless. If you’re wearing a sweater, chances are it’s cold outside. So WHY EXPOSE YOUR SHOULDERS NEEDLESSLY? WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY? That’s as dumb as peep-toe winter Uggs. (OMG I hope those don’t actually exist.)
If anyone knows of any sort of 12-step program that addresses cold shoulder top rage, I’d consider it.
You should also know that I prefer my swiss cheese slices to have tons of holes versus only a few holes, even though I’m obviously aware that I end up with less cheese as a result.
Please comment and tell me your weird quirks and what makes you rage inexplicably.