Attention Townspeople: We’re Just Not ‘Artsy’ Enough To Understand Michelle Obama’s Portrait

Hannah Bleau

Barack and Michelle unveiled their portraits today. They are less than stellar. Michelle’s doesn’t even look like her, and Barry looks like he’s sitting in a marijuana garden with Homer Simpson.

WASHINGTON, DC – FEBRUARY 12: Former U.S. first lady Michelle Obama looks at her newly unveiled portrait during a ceremony at the Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery, on February 12, 2018 in Washington, DC. The portraits were commissioned by the Gallery, for Kehinde Wiley to create President Obama’s portrait, and Amy Sherald that of Michelle Obama. (Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images)
WASHINGTON, DC – FEBRUARY 12: Former U.S. President Barack Obama stands next to his newly unveiled portrait during a ceremony at the Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery, on February 12, 2018 in Washington, DC. The portraits were commissioned by the Gallery, for Kehinde Wiley to create President Obama’s portrait, and Amy Sherald that of Michelle Obama. (Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images)

Told ya. Michelle’s is definitely worse, though. I didn’t take a poll, but I’m just gonna go ahead and say that basically all of Twitter agrees.

It’s a rare moment of unity for sure. But here’s the thing– we’re just not understanding the portrait. CNN’s Kate Bennett wants us to know that it’s supposed to look like this.

Sure, it doesn’t look like her in the “traditional sense,” but you have to look ~deeper~.

What other sense is there? It either looks like her or it doesn’t. In this case, it doesn’t. The end. What is CNN gaining by defending this less than stellar portrait?

OK, that’s perfect.

Clearly, NYT feels differently.

Alright, alright. My turn. Here’s my interpretation of this picture of my melting marshmallow of a dog.

“She looks content, but not in the traditional sense of contentment. She contemplates her own pusillanimous nature. She yearns to acquire further knowledge and expand the depth of her understanding of the universe. Truly, life is an endless cycle of boondoggle. As she ponders her own existence, she comes to a stunning revelation. Truly, extravagance comes at a cost. Tis a capricious world.”

Think I could land a job at NYT?

Real talk. Who came up with that pseudointellectual drivel? Raise your hand and slap yourself.