DNA Testing Company Admits Giving White People Fake African Ancestry To ‘Screw With Racists’

I’ve always kind of wanted to do one of those genetic ancestry testing things.  It just seemed kinda fun.

Well um… turns out not only is it TOTAL BS… they actually mess with people on purpose.

Bummer.

Inside Edition sent in the spit of a set of triplets. Cracked lets us know how it went:

But when Inside Edition had a set of triplets send their spit in to Ancestry.com and 23andMe, they got wildly different results from both services. Neither gave each triplet the same ancestry results — which, considering they all came from the same womb, is pretty weird.

Inside Edition found differences of over 10 percent between the triplets they tested. That is not a small gap. If you were off by 10 percent on a DNA test, you could technically be a mouse. Maybe it’s unreasonable to expect perfect accuracy from saliva you mailed to a lab. But a lot of people do anyway, and Morgan winds up dealing with their complaints.

Ok… so they’re not at all accurate. Whatever.

Turns out it gets worse…

The Cracked article then celebrates that the company throws “racists” off of on purpose by giving them fake results. Their source is “Morgan, who works for one of the major ancestry testing companies” so we don’t know which one….

Cracked calls it “elegant in its passive-aggressive simplicity.” I call it fraud. Tomato toMAHto!

Morgan and his colleagues were caught between a rock and a really-want-to-mess-with-racists place. It would’ve been fun to throw a “10 percent West African” in there, but then they might have a pissed-off, dangerous person at their office, waving a gun. “Since we couldn’t do anything to the results (and we wanted to), what we did was add ‘< 1 percent’ to each African category of ethnicity. That way we weren’t lying, and they would both be wondering how much under a percentage point was. We always try to round to the nearest number because we sometimes hear about percentage points, but for them, we leave it open to whether it’s a one or a zero.”

It’s a compromise that’s elegant in its passive-aggressive simplicity. And it got a result. “The near-N-bomber wrote to us asking what that meant, and we wrote back that it meant it was under 1 percent. And we were not saying zero. Unless they got another test, that was going to bother them. Maybe they weren’t 100 percent Caucasian. I mean, they were, according to the results, but this way it leaves it open, and they’ll always be wondering.”

Bravo. Bravissimo!

Ummmm….that’s kinda messed up.

So if you were thinking about taking one of these, don’t. Best case scenario it doesn’t even work, worst case scenario they somehow decide you’re a “racist” and try to mess with you.

I’m a half-hispanic conservative. I’m sure my results would mess with THEM more than they can mess with me. Kinda sorta sounds like they’re assuming white conservatives are racists, so they throw some “minority blood” in the mix to “freak ’em out.”

Now.. I’m a “minority” conservative. According to the left, by being a conservative I’m automatically a racist, but by being a minority I automatically can’t be racist. Right?

SO NOW WHAT, PUNKS?! TRY ME!

Edit: We should point out that given that the source is Cracked, perhaps this is supposed to get us riled up… but we’re just passing the info along as it’s been presented. Here’s what I know about cracked. It’s supposed to be a “humor” website, but that doesn’t mean what it posts is untrue: The site functions as a “virtual writer’s room”, where more than 2,500 amateurs pitch articles to which other users provide feedback.According to Former General Manager Oren Katzeff, “Nothing gets on the homepage without heavy editing”; “pitch the site’s on-staff editorial team, who give out assignments and feedback to writers after an idea is greenlit”. O’Brien and five other editors pick and refine the best material. More than 90% of the stories on the top spot of Cracked’s homepage come from the virtual writer’s room.Cracked is known for its popular listicles, which include titles like “The 6 Most Insane People To Ever Run For President” and “7 Basic Things You Won’t Believe You’re All Doing Wrong”.