Attention Bridezillas. Imma Bout To Go Off On You.

According to this, “broke couples are now asking strangers to pay for their weddings.”  That’s right.  They’re crowdfunding their weddings now.  Because brides are like the second coming of demon-Regan in the Exorcist, only they’re spewing Pinterest boards and bridal magazines and demanding $50,000 weddings when they barely work at part-time jobs that pay them $12/hour (someone needs to pay for all of thiiiiissss)!!

I don’t know if y’all were aware, but in addition to healthcare and the Internet and artisanal food, millenials are entitled to really expensive Instagram-worthy weddings, too now, dontchaknow.

It’s 2017, and I can’t.  Again.

Thousands of couples today are looking to friends and family – and, really, anyone – to help them afford to tie the knot. Campaigns on GoFundMe have likely raised millions of dollars for wedding-related funds, according to a recent report by the BBC. Many of the wedding-related campaigns on GoFundMe are related to emergencies, like a couple racing to the aisle after a cancer diagnosis and another whose destination wedding funds were stolen by a scamming travel company.

OK.  Those instances suck.

But there’s a big but here.  Ready?

…a number of funds are simply because they can’t afford their own reception, a practice increasingly frowned upon by wedding-goers who are already shelling out hundreds of dollars for travel and gifts to attend the average ceremony. In fact, the cost of attending a wedding rose to more than $700 per person this year, up from $673 in 2016, according to American Express, and around 40% of guests have skipped a ceremony due to the cost of attending. While 54% of millennials don’t expect guests to bring anything for a wedding, nearly one-third say it’s appropriate to ask guests to spend up to $500 and 7% say they can ask even more, according to a survey released this week from TD Bank.

You hear that?  Some funds are super needed by wedding-needers because they can’t affooooooord their weddings, y’all.  And why in the hell are we spending $700 a person on weddings?

Why is that?

I can’t.  Again.

First of all, if you’re someone out there thinking, “Daisy, this is totally acceptable and you’re just being awful!”  Well, you’re tacky, and you’re part of the problem.

And if you think that I hate weddings or people who love weddings, I don’t.  I think weddings are a lovely representation of a couple’s love and commitment to one another.  I’ve been to and in my share of weddings in my life, and for the most part, I’ve enjoyed them.   I’ve seen, and played a role in, some gorgeous weddings.  I’ve even happy-cried at a few.  No, really.  I just think going into debt to prove that you love one another?  Well, that’s ridiculous.

And begging for your wedding?  Again – tack. EEEEEE.

According to the source, the average wedding in the U.S. costs upwards of $26,000, but there are still handfuls of couples who have decided to step away from the Pinterest board I-need-gold-plated-dooooves! madness and they spend less than that.  Perhaps they decide that they want to spend more on a honeymoon, or put a down payment on a home, or just focus more on real life instead of that one day.  Or perhaps they’re just grownups.  Either way, it can be done.  Mr. Daisy and I did the “budget route” (eeeww, right?  This is what they call it nowadays, apparently…) for $800, had our closest friends and family at our house.  I was barefoot in my family room for my “reception,” and it was awesome.  And almost a decade later, it was one of the best emotional and financial decisions we ever made.  We renewed our vows two years ago in Vegas.  We plan on doing that every few years, because it’s always been about our marriage to us.  Not the wedding day.

But listen, if you want to spend $50,000 on your wedding, DO IT.   I’m not saying you shouldn’t.  I’ll even come eat the food and drink lots of alcohol and buy you some ridiculous butter dish you have on your registry.  But if you have to borrow from people to throw that $50,000 wedding?  If I, one of your guests, have to help you pay for it?   If you have to go broke to show God and everyone else that you’re committed to another human being for the rest of your life?  If you have to beg folks to get you to the altar?

You’re doing marriage wrong already.  You’re pretty much doing life wrong.

Absolutely, it’s one of the most important days of your life, but in the grand scheme of your life together, it’s a day.  What people forget nowadays – more than ever – is that it’s not really so much about the wedding day.  It’s about the marriage.  Too many people get caught up in that wedding day, and then what?  Y’all are planning on being together forever, right?  You’re going to presumably face hurdles together – financially, emotionally, and guess what?  There’s not always a crowdfund to help you out.  And no Pinterest board will help you work on your marriage.

Don’t crowdfund your wedding, for crying out loud.  If you’re doing this?  I give you 3 to 4 years.  And I’m being generous.

So enjoy that (super overpriced artisanal) cake.