Poor Madonna Feels Like She’s Been Through A Bad Breakup Because Donald Trump Was Elected

Miss CJ

I know – listening to Madonna talk about politics is about as worthwhile as listening to the soap scum in my shower. But there’s plenty to mock here, so let’s get to it.

(What is it with aging celebrities past their prime that they feel like they have to inject themselves into every political news item of the day? Why do ANY celebrities feel like that’s necessary? Don’t they have a weight-loss infomercial to shoot or something?)

According to this, Madonna is not handling the reality of President-Elect Donald Trump very well. The way she makes this sound, I imagine she’s huddled in a corner of some mansion somewhere, bundled up in blankets, afraid to go outside, afraid to speak to anyone, and she just mumbles to herself like a madwoman.

So… basically, she’s acting like Madonna. –

The Queen of Pop graces the cover of the February issue of Harper’s BAZAAR, in which she talks about her unconventional lifestyle, her career, and perhaps most notably, the future president of the United States. “On election night I was sitting at a table with my agent, who is also one of my very best friends, and we were truly praying,” Madonna reveals. “It was just like watching a horror show. I went to sleep, and since that night, I wake up every morning and it’s like when you break up with somebody who has really broken your heart.”

The singer continues, “You wake up and for a second you’re just you, and then you go, ‘Oh, the person I love more than anything has just broken my heart, and I’m devastated and I’m broken and I have nothing. I’m lost.’” Madonna adds, “That’s how I feel every morning. I wake up and I go, ‘Wait a second. Donald Trump is the president. It’s not a bad dream. It really happened.’ It’s like being dumped by a lover and also being stuck in a nightmare.”

Dear Madonna –


Seriously – I just love how all these leftist know-it-alls are all “OH NO, THIS IS THE WORST THING EVER TO HAPPEN AND HOW ARE WE GOING TO SURVIVE???”

Well, seeing as how I just got done surviving eight years of Barack Obama and the certifiably worst presidency in modern history (somewhere, Jimmy Carter is laughing), I’ll tell you how: You put on your big kid pants and you deal with it. You don’t run crying to every media outlet to whine about how sad you feel. Maybe learn why this happened. Realize how out of touch you are with the rest of America. Stop talking to regular people like they’re stupid or bigoted or any of those other terrible things you call us, just because we have a divergent opinion from you. Learn what it’s like living paycheck-to-paycheck, and then have the government come in and force you to buy something as expensive as Obamacare, when you didn’t need health insurance in the first place. Try spending eight years being told how terrible you are and you need to check some mythical privilege, just for the mere reason you were born.

Or, you know, you can keep pushing your inane social justice talking points, assuming the worst of everyone who disagrees with you, and stay in the leftist bubble that you’ve created for yourself. And maybe offer more sexual favors so you can get your way in politics (’cause CLEARLY that’s what was lacking in the election cycle).

I have no sympathy for any of these crybabies. Whether it’s Madonna or someone else claiming they’ve “lost hope” for the future. ‘Cause this is the first time in a long time that I’ve felt anything remotely like hope. Granted, it has more to do with the fact that Obama is FINALLY leaving (but Trump has been fairly inoffensive since winning the election, so I’ll take that as a win), but it feels AWESOME.

(h/t Weasel Zippers)